Jacqueline Parry runs the Swindon branch of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS). The volunteer self-help group is for all, but recently launched a scheme called Engaging Men to reach men isolated by the suicide of a loved one. Jacqueline, who has three children and a grandchild, lives in West Swindon.

“EVERYBODY is different because they have their own path to walk,” said Jacqueline Parry.

“As much as we can support each other, and as much as we know we’re there, they have to go through that thing themselves – and that’s the hardest thing.”

Jacqueline has walked her path.

Her involvement with SOBS has its roots in a series of traumatic events which happened toward the end of the last decade.

“There are three triggers which all happened within 18 eighteen months. My marriage broke up, then my father died of prostate cancer and then my brother took his life.

“It was quite a lot to take on board – for me to be a single parent and re-adjust to life, then the loss of my father who I absolutely adored and then 18eighteen months later my brother, who had suffered depression and was close to my father. They used to play golf and chess together.”

The brother she lost, whose name was Paris, died aged 37.

He was one of six siblings of whom Jacqueline is the eldest. Her father was a builder and her mother a home-maker, and Jacqueline grew up in a small East Devon community.

Jacqueline suspects that her outlook was influenced by the way people in the village would look after each other.

“It might have come from my childhood. I’ve always had a passion for community stuff. If there’s something going on, a project in the community, I’ll always help.”

Jacqueline moved to Swindon 27 years ago. As well as spending periods as a full-time mother, she worked in mental health nursing at the Seymour Clinic and spent several years working in the finance department of Marks and Spencer. That job included work on the firm’s charitable activities.

Later still, Jacqueline trained for five years to become a florist and set up a successful business. She also never lost sight of community activities.

“I used to raise funds for local charities, things like charities for homeless people at Christmas.”

Her charity work was helped by Stuart Bell of Southleaze Farm in Wroughton, who allowed her to set up a floral display stand at his Christmas tree sale.

“I started teaching in the community as well. I’d talk to the community groups, go in and do floral stuff.”

In 2013 she was honoured with a Pride of Swindon Award.

Jacqueline first heard about SOBS while attending a conference in Torquay. At the time she was still deeply shaken by her bereavements. “This lady I was speaking to had lost her dad to suicide and she was the one that mentioned it.

“I didn’t think much about it – when you’ve been through that trauma it takes quite a while to engage it emotionally and physically.”

She also discovered the radical difference between what might be termed normal mourning and the mourning which follows a suicide. “With my father it was very touching. He just said, ‘My time’s up and I’mokay OK with it.’ It was touching to know that we had a three-month window with him. We honoured him and loved him and respected his wishes until he took his last breath.

“I held his hand and I was there when he took his last breath, and for me that was so honouring because he was the one that gave me life.

“But with my brother, that was a completely different kind of bereavement. It was something completely out of the blue. You just don’t have answers as to why and what for, how could that happen and where was I to help him.

“You go through a completely different rollercoaster of emotions.”

SOBS was set up many years ago by a woman who had lost a loved one to suicide.

It initially operated from her home but has since expanded into a network of self-help groups across the country.

Jacqueline decided to establish a Swindon branch in September of 2013, and it has so far helped more than 100 people. It meets regularly and aims to offer something to help everybody who is affected by the suicide of a loved one.

The Engaging Men initiative, for example, addresses the fact that many men suffer because they feel convention doesn’t allow them to acknowledge their emotions.

“We have some chairs and it’s a two-hour meeting. We just kind of go around the room.”

New members, if they wish, give their names and that of the person they lost. Sessions address matters ranging from sheer anguish and bewilderment to grim practicalities such as inquest procedures and how a bereaved person should deal with bills, form-filling and bureaucracy.

SOBS also offers a signposting service to various other helpful organisations. Some people it helps prefer not to attend meetings but are in contact by email and telephone.

“I have people come to the group and its only been six weeks or two months and they’re still in a state of numbness and trauma.

“They’re not really with us because they’re still numbed by their experience. They can’t believe it’s happened.

“That’s where you’ve just got to give them space to enable them to take time out and get everything into perspective.”

SOBS is open to all who need it, and the best point of contact is Jacqueline herself at jackyswindonsobs@gmail.com.

Tickets are still available for a free Engaging Men speedway trip tonight.

The national SOBS website is uk-sobs.org.uk.