Counsellor Fiona Caine tackles your dilemmas

I left my husband two years ago after 15 difficult years together and my three children came with me. By the end I grew to hate him for his sarcasm and bad temper and although it’s been tough going on our own, we’ve managed to battle through. Now I’ve met someone new and although I ought to be really happy, I’m feeling really depressed. He’s a lovely man and deserves someone better than a frumpy looking middle-aged woman with three kids in tow. I may only be 37 but I can see all the lines on my face. CS

Fiona says Are you sure your depression is the result of feeling that you look older than your years? I suspect it’s a lot more to do with the fact that you’re comparing the relationship you have with this “lovely man” with the one you had with your husband. You may have grown to hate him, but you probably also resent the fact that he knew you when you were younger and your new man didn’t. We all have to come to terms with the process of ageing and I feel the best way to do this is to accept yourself for the person you are.

The man I love ignores me

The man I’m in love with is 18 years older than me. We went out for a few months but he broke it off saying I was too young for him and never had anything interesting to say. I was always fairly nervous whenever we went out which probably made me clam up, but our sex life was great and since we split I’ve not been able to think of anyone else. I really do love him and want him back, but whenever we see each other he simply ignores me. I don’t know what to do. Please help. MO

Fiona says...He may have been 18 years older but that age gap didn’t teach him much about manners and kindness! He did nothing to reassure you when you went out; he was rude to you when you split up and he ignores you now. Great sex alone isn’t enough to sustain a lasting relationship which, combined with his behaviour since your break-up, leads me to think he was never going to be right for you anyway. A good relationship should be a partnership; ideally an equal partnership, where conversation flows easily between you – at least on subjects that matter.

If you need help getting over this relationship then I suggest you might find it helpful to speak to a counsellor.