Counsellor Fiona Caine tackles your dilemmas

Worried about boozing

I’ve been worried for some time about my daughter’s drinking habits and I fear she may be an alcoholic; she’s certainly got a problem. She’s married to a man none of us like and they have a child together, who I look after once a week. On a number of occasions, my daughter has failed fetch her and I’ve had to take my granddaughter home, only to find my daughter collapsed in a drunken heap. Now I’ve also realised that her husband is abusing her as she's often covered in bruises. I don’t know what to do for the best. SG

Fiona says... This is a very difficult situation for you, but you cannot stop her drinking – she has to do that for herself. Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk) can help you, your daughter and other family members through its support network. As for her husband’s abuse, all you can offer her is your support. However much we want to help, sometimes (and this is very hard to accept) we have to realise that first people need to help themselves. If you can help her to recognise her problems and go through rehabilitation then maybe the abuse will stop, or she will find the strength to leave her husband.

I can’t cope with dementia

My husband and I have been married for 40 years and have been through a lot together. He is now 73 and has been diagnosed with dementia. He has deteriorated rapidly and I’m struggling to cope as he wakes up in the night and does crazy things like turning on the gas without lighting it or opening all the doors. I cannot leave him for a moment and can't sleep properly, just in case he causes a problem of some kind. It's all taking its toll on my health and I have no immediate family I can turn to. JM

Fiona says...You cannot continue to cope on your own otherwise your own health will be compromised, as indeed you are starting to find.

There is a lot of support available and your GP should have referred you to these. As he has failed to do so, I suggest you start by contacting the Alzheimer's Society (alzheimers.org.uk). If you call their National Dementia Helpline on 0300 222 1122, you can find out about getting practical help, or even just talk to someone who understands.

At the very least, you need periods of respite care which will leave you free to recharge your batteries and be ready to cope again.