Marion Sauvebois meets the families who are sharing their lives with adults in need

ASK Toni Clark how many children she has and her answer will be five, every time.

There are her biological sons, Alex and Ashley, and then there’s Jan, Stuart and Jimmy, the three grown men she welcomed into her family when they had nowhere else to go.

It was back in 2000, that Toni, who until that point had managed a care home for the elderly, first became aware of the Adult Placement Service, now known as Shared Lives.

Soon her and husband Stuart’s minds were made up: fostering adults with learning difficulties and disabilities who would otherwise be institutionalised for the rest of their lives was the right thing to do.

An extensive and rigorous vetting process swiftly began, followed by training. And it would be another year before 60-year-old Jimmy was placed with the family.

“For a year we had meetings with management, we were CRB-checked and you have to do minimal training in risk of infection, food hygiene, first aid, lifting and handling,” said the 53-year-old, of Rodbourne. “It’s like fostering but more permanent. If you can wait a year, you know you are doing the right thing and that you are committed.

“A lot of people would be in institutions otherwise and I thought we could offer so many people the same quality of life that we have. They deserve to live in a loving home.

“It really is what it says on the tin, it’s shared lives. We live together, we go on holiday together.

“In 2001, Jimmy came to us. His care home was closing down. He has a mild learning disability and he had been institutionalised from a very young age. It was hard for him.

“I taught him life skills; how to do the laundry, cooking and cleaning, and got him used to going out in the community. He didn’t used to like it. He didn’t want to be looked at differently.

“Now I’ve seen a huge change in him. He goes out to the shop on his own. He is comfortable. Being able to give Jimmy the opportunity to know family life is brilliant. He had never been able to before.”

Run by social enterprise SEQOL, Shared Lives provides care, support and accommodation to any vulnerable adult aged 18 years or over.

Toni’s sons were just seven and eight when Jimmy moved in and immediately accepted him as benevolent friend and play companion.

In 2003, Jan, now 57, came along following the death of his parents. His blindness may have proved daunting to a mother with young children and an adult in her care – but not Toni, who took his learning and physical disabilities in her stride.

“You don’t see a person for the problems they have but for who they are. Jan is so loving. He loves life and he is always prepared to give things a go. He is always up for trampolining and he loves his music and loves to dance.

“Jimmy and Jan were part of the family. I just wanted to give people not so fortunate the attention they needed. I took them under my wing.”

Stuart, 53, was last to join the Clarks in 2010 when his elderly mother became unable to look after him due to her failing health.

“It’s different with Stu. His mum wanted him more settled but he sees her on Thursday and Saturday. Stu and Jan were best friends and they’ve known each other for 25 years. So it was ideal.”

With both sons still living at home, as well as her husband and three ‘adopted’ sons, life certainly never gets dull. But despite her many responsibilities and duties, Toni always endeavours to set aside one-on-one time with each one of them. She relishes her “hectic” daily routine and the close bond she has forged with Jan, Stu and Jimmy.

“It never scared me or my husband. I come from a family of six children, so when they came along the family got bigger. For us it was the right thing to do. It gives them the choice of living independently with support.

“If I said it’s fun and brilliant all the time I would be telling lies. We all get on but we say what needs to be said. We’re open. It’s not good to bottle things up.

“When you know from day one you could have them long term that’s a big commitment and you have to think about that. They can’t be left on their own, even to go to the shops. You have to take everybody. Some people would find that challenging. You’ve got to involve them in everything. But it never felt really hard.

“Jan relies on me for that motherly bond. With Stu, we have fun, he is joker and likes to help out. With Jimmy, you just take him as he is. He just goes with the flow.

“I couldn’t have wished for three better guys; I’m quite lucky.“ The fulfilment derived from seeing Jan, Stu, and Jimmy come into their own and the knowledge she spared them from a life of solitude and possible isolation has been a daily reward.

“I know I’m appreciated and they know I’m always here for them.

“One of the best times is Christmas. It was an emotional time at the beginning, but to see them having fun and just chilling out like everybody else is lovely.

“If I could I would take more people in and give them a home where they felt loved and valued, but we are limited to three people with Shared Lives.

“In this day and age, in the society we live in, there is no need for anybody to be alone and not have a family.

“There is somebody somewhere that could give someone else a home.

“I never thought I would ever do something like this. It just happened. All good things happen for a reason.”

To find out more about Shared Lives call 01793 463333 or go to http://www.seqol.

org/careand support/shared-lives.

‘There’s never a dull moment when you’re part of Shared Lives’

THE Gregson family have their hands full with two young children, a lodger, five chickens, a horse, three tortoises, two rats, hamsters, cockatiels and 14 fish – but this hasn’t stopped them opening their home to three young people on the Shared Lives programme. 

Mark and Debbie Gregson, of Wanborough, joined SEQOL’s adult placement scheme two years ago. As registered foster carers, their experience looking after more than 20 children led them to the service. Whilst those in foster care automatically leave when they become adults, the SEQOL Shared Lives service supports young adult for as long as they need it. 

Debbie, 46, a qualified nurse, said: “For us the saddest part of fostering was that when the children reached 16 or 18 years old it was the time to move on, even if they weren’t ready.
But the long-term approach in Shared Lives allows the continuity many of the young people need and the young person become a real part of the family.”

After a succession of foster placements, at 17 Claire came to live with Debbie and Mark and their family. Now 19, Claire is doing well in college and is looking forward to starting an NVQ in childcare soon. 
“I feel part of the family, I can choose to have time in my room if I want or to do things with everyone else,” said Claire. “I much prefer it here and even have a paper round every morning. We all went to Thorpe Park recently too.” 

Mark, 52, added: “There’s never a dull moment when you’re part of the Shared Lives scheme.
“We treat them as we would our own, helping them and guiding them as well as being there to pick up the pieces when things don’t go the way they expect.

“Since Claire has been with us she can do so much more on her own and has blossomed into a great young lady with plans for her future. 
“The support we receive from the SEQOL Shared Lives team is fantastic, and what we’ve achieved with these three wouldn’t have been possible without it.

“All the support workers – both for us and for the young people – work very closely together to make sure everyone is getting the most out of the placements.”