Siblings don't visit Gran

MY gran is nearly 80 and doesn’t live very far from me, but I’m the only one who goes to see her regularly.

My mum and dad are both busy working, but my brother and sister could go and see her, if they wanted. She often says she’d like to see the others more often, but she doesn’t seem bitter that they don’t even call.

It makes me really upset that they don’t bother. M. G.

Fiona says: I’m afraid you can’t make people do things if they don’t want to. Furthermore, if you make a fuss about it and try and force things, they could dig their heels in and not visit your gran at all.

It’s a great thing that you care, but are you possibly being a little unfair on the rest of the family?

You don’t say they never see her; just that they don’t visit as often as you think they should.

Rather than trying to force things, just make sure you talk about your visits; and how your gran is. This may be enough to spur them into going more frequently.

My husband is so selfish

I’VE finally woken up to the fact that I’m married to the world’s most selfish man.

He prefers his own company to that of me or our children and is content, when he’s not working, to sit in front of the TV or potter in his shed.

Everything, from mealtimes to what we watch on television, has to revolve around him, and I cannot remember the last time he bought anyone a present.

Last year he spent a fortune on a new computer for himself that no one else is allowed to use and didn’t even buy me a card for my birthday. I’ve suddenly become very angry and resentful. T. B.

Fiona says: IT does sound as if he’s used to getting his own way, but if you’ve always allowed him to, why should he change?

You’ve given him a green light rather than confronted him and he probably has no idea the upset he’s causing you. He may even be genuinely shocked if you confront him.

You need to make him see that his behaviour is unacceptable to you and the children. Consider seeing a Relate (www.relate.org.uk) counsellor to discuss how you feel. I think your chances of changing him now are probably slim, but nonetheless, I think you should try.