OVER and over the same dream played: for a few blissful hours of slumber, he saw the world through a woman’s eyes. He laughed, he moved, he lived as Chloe.

But by morning, the illusion inevitably shattered giving way to the unbearable reality. He was Duane Ford – man, husband and father.

It would take nearly two decades for Duane to finally live as the woman who filled his dreams, the person he always felt he was born to be – Chloe-Dee.

“It felt really natural,” recalls the 36-year-old civil servant from Penhill. “I had these dreams for years and years seeing through this person’s eyes, Chloe’s eyes. I thought if I kept it to myself the feelings would go away.”

Chloe-Dee was in her late teens when she began to feel out of place, uncomfortable in her male body. As though trying to punish herself she started to neglect her appearance.

“My body started to change and I didn’t like it,” she explains candidly. “So instead of dealing with it I just ignored it. I tried to focus on everything else, on the world instead of myself. I started neglecting myself. I was very scruffy. I didn’t ask myself questions. I just tried to push the feelings away.”

Unable to confront her feelings of inadequacy head on, she carried on as usual, dating like any normal teenage boy.

At the age of 18 Chloe became a father and married her school girlfriend Peggy-Sue a year later.

But as time went by she became increasingly closed-off and irritable – she grappled with depression and an overwhelming sense of failure she could never fully understand. Her relationship with Peggy suffered.

“I didn’t feel male by that point but I didn’t have a way of feeling more feminine,” she says. “I tried to live my role. It would bubble to the surface every now and then but I tried to push it back. As a male I tried to be emotionless, to bury feelings. I would try to be really busy, work extra shifts, work all hours. I never had a quiet moment to think.”

The situation became untenable and finally seven years ago, Peggy returned home to find her husband crying inconsolably. That night Chloe came clean about the years of agony, doubt and self-loathing.

“She told me she felt that she was trapped in the wrong body, how she thought she was female,” says Peggy, a systems management clerk.

“She needed to tell someone but wasn’t ready to come out. I was shocked and at the same time I was kind of expecting it. She used to say ‘I’m a secret lesbian’. It was a joke between us. Even before she told me I was thinking about these dreams she was having about seeing through a girl’s eyes.

“There was never any question of leaving my husband. I loved the person inside.”

Chloe smiles at Peggy before adding: “I thought Peggy would want a man in her life because she had chosen a man before.”

Five years passed before Chloe gathered up the courage to transition from male to female and embrace her true identity.

“For a long time I still tried to avoid it,” admits the member of the TransSwindon campaign group. “I felt so isolated and scared. I had watched YouTube videos of people transitioning and I couldn’t find anyone my age. They were all teens and people in their mid-20s. I thought I’m past the right age. It’s too late.

“I remember going to the GP a lot between 2008 and 2013. I never said, ‘This is how I feel, this is what’s happening’. I just said I was feeling run down. My body was shutting down bit by bit. In 2013 I told Peggy ‘I can’t hack it anymore, something is going to have to change.”

Chloe was swiftly diagnosed with gender dysphoria, a mismatch between biological sex and gender identity, and attended her first meeting of Swindon TransGender Group with Peggy in December 2013.

Joining the support group proved a tremendous relief, not only for Chloe but Peggy, who feared the gender transition might end their marriage.

“We met a couple there who had been together for 30 years,” the 35-year-old recalls. “The husband had become a woman and his wife said ‘It does work; there is no change.’ That’s what I needed to hear. I still wanted to be with Chloe. It didn’t matter to me but I wanted to know if it was possible.”

On New Year’s Day last year, supported by Peggy and their closest friends, Chloe symbolically closed the door on life as Duane by shaving off her mannish dreadlocks. Soon, she embarked on hormone therapy treatment.

Apprehensive but certain of her choice, she shared her decision to become a woman with their 17-year-old son Connor in January.

Adopting female mannerisms, learning to lower the masculine timbre of her voice, and navigating the changes brought on by oestrogen proved challenging on many levels.

“It’s like going through adolescence again,” she muses. “You have to learn the female etiquette, the way you sit, the way you talk, you use your hands. I’m doing voice training to get the right pitch. It’s a bit like learning to drive. Eventually you do it without thinking about it.”

Far from causing tension or throwing her family dynamic out of kilter, her physical and emotional transformation restored balance and stability to her fragile relationships.

“As a man he blocked everything off,” says Chloe’s son, Connor. “He had a lot of anger. That’s how I knew him as a dad. Suddenly he turned into this active happy mother.

“I remember they told me in the car. Calling him mum was pretty easy. In a way sometimes it’s painful. But we feel closer now.”

Peggy agrees: “We’re a lot more open and honest with each other. We are closer now, more in love.”

Changing her legal name from Duane to Chloe marked a turning point in her transition.

She chose to double-barrel her first name, adding ‘Dee’, her five-year-old nephew’s nickname for her.

She may have changed beyond recognition over the past two years, but Chloe still has some way to go in her transition. She is now awaiting a referral to undergo gender reassignment surgery.

The operation will be the crucial final step to becoming a woman.

“This will be a big victory, for both of us,” says Peggy, beaming.

“It will be complete after that,” nods Chloe. “I’m lucky people around us have been really supportive and positive. My fear was that people wouldn’t accept me as who I am.

“I wish I could have done it when I was 20 or 21. I would have less male-looking traits and it would have been an easier transition but with the way society was, I don’t think I would have coped. There is more awareness and acceptance now. It feels right.”

To find out more about TransSwindon go to trans swindon.wordpress.com or email Trans Swindon@gmail.com. To join Swindon Trans Gender Group go to http:// swindon-tg-group. yolasite.com.