I can't stop arguing

I’ve always been a bit quarrelsome, but over the past two years, it seems I row with everyone. I can only stand being with family and friends for an hour or two before I want to kill them!

It’s amazing that I’ve got any friends at all, and I know I’ve driven some of them away.

I think things are becoming difficult at work, too - I used to be seen as a strong person who could get through obstacles and get things done, but now I’m regarded as a troublemaker. What is wrong with me? - WT

Fiona says: Could it be that you are ignoring or have buried something that is the root cause of your anger? It could explain why your anger is triggered so easily.

Alternatively, perhaps through years of living up to your reputation for overcoming obstacles, you’ve lost the ability to recognise that some situations don’t respond well to this approach.

You need to learn the difference between being merely assertive and being aggressive, and I think an assertiveness training course might help you. You need to learn to be less aggressive.

He's looking at porn

For the past two years, I have known that my husband has been looking at pornographic magazines and downloading pictures from the internet.

He has no idea that I know about them - he hides them in a cupboard and I came across them.

I have tried to ignore them, telling myself that in all other respects he is a fine husband, but I am becoming more and more upset by them.

We’ve been married for 25 years and for the last two, our sex life has been virtually non-existent.

He’s noticed and keeps asking me what’s wrong, but I can’t bring myself to tell him. -DJ

Fiona says: Porn often becomes a prop for men who are experiencing sexual difficulties, or who feel inadequate. If your sex life has not been good and you haven’t tried to find out why, it’s possible he may have felt he has no other source of comfort.

It’s sad to think that, after such a long marriage there’s a danger of your relationship disintegrating because you can’t talk. If necessary, involve Relate.