I need something to do

SINCE I’ve retired, I seem to have no purpose in life.

I get up every morning and struggle through the day with no idea of what to do with myself.

After I’ve cleared up from breakfast and cleaned the house, I just sit around until my husband gets in from work.

I suggested to him I do some volunteering and he thought I was mad - why would I want to work for nothing, he said, when I’d just given up paid work?

But I feel I need to do something or I’ll go mad! - JJ

Fiona says: I agree with you; you do need to do something! I’m not saying I think you’ll go mad, but I do think you’ll become depressed or at least very despondent if you don’t find yourself something to do that inspires you.

Think about things you’ve always fancied doing if you had the time; painting, mountain climbing, ballroom dancing, writing a novel - stretch your imagination and see where it leads you, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot.

As for volunteering, I think you’re right, as it’s not the same as working. It’s putting something back into something you care about. Visit do-it.org for a range of volunteering opportunities.

Should I say how I feel?

I’M in love with a man I have worked with for about eight months.

We’re also good friends, but in spite of this, he doesn’t seem to be interested in taking our relationship any further.

Should I tell him how I feel and maybe jeopardise our friendship, or should I just continue to watch him admiringly and become frustrated and disappointed? We’re both in our early 30s. - LS

Fiona says: If, in eight months, he’s not given any indication of an interest in you at all, I fear your chances of this developing into something serious are slim.

You could try instigating an outside-the-office event just in case it is shyness - something like, “I’ve got tickets to a show next week, would you like to come with me?”

But I’d be wary of an outright declaration of your feelings because it would be hard for a friendship or working relationship to survive any rejection. Good jobs and friends are hard to come by.