Not keen on stag do

I LOVE my fiancé very much and we’re getting married in nine weeks’ time.

 

His best man, though, is really upsetting me, as he and their mates are planning a weekend stag do involving strippers and all kinds of unpleasant stuff.

I find it really degrading and I’d prefer it if my fiancé cancelled the whole thing.

I know people will think I’m a party-pooper, but I’m not. I love a good party but this kind of “do” is just distasteful and offensive. What should I do?

What some men do on what they see as their ‘last night of freedom’ has become something of a tacky ritual in recent years. - LL

Fiona says: Have you tried to explain your feelings to your fiance? If you can get him to understand how strongly you feel about this, it may make it easier for him to call the whole thing off with his mates.

He’ll almost certainly want a stag-do of some kind, and his friends really won’t thank you if you curtail all their ‘entertainment’, but you might try and encourage them to do something else.

How do I finish it gently?

I’ve been going out with a guy for about a month and I’ve realised now that he’s not for me.

I’ve tried to gently suggest that we should move on, but he’s ignored all my signals and is making things worse by buying me all sorts of expensive presents.

Last week it was a necklace and yesterday he gave me a new TV for my flat. All this does is make me feel guilty and mean for not liking him very much, so how do I get out of this mess without hurting him? -DL

Fiona says: I’m afraid that probably won’t be possible. Rejection is never easy to cope with, however gently it’s done, but you must end this quickly for both your sakes.

Rather than drop hints about moving on, you need to explain that you don’t feel you’re right for each other. If you think it’s appropriate, apologise for not saying something sooner, but say you were worried about hurting his feelings. Offer to give the presents back too. It may well be that he is less surprised by this than you’re expecting, and the presents may be a way of trying to buy your affection. You need to do this quickly and move on - there’s no future in this relationship for either of you.