WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE?

My alcoholic mother was abusive to me and my brother for many years. She left us when I was 15 and my father was glad to see the back of her - so was I at the time but, as I got older, I would wonder about her.

When I was 19, I got in touch with her but nothing had changed. She was still the same aggressive, drunken bully she'd always been. I resolved never to see her again but, when I told my father I'd seen her, he was so angry, he kicked me out and I ended up homeless and sofa-surfing for nine months.

I was pretty desperate for money and did things I'm too embarrassed to talk about. And although three years on, I now have a job and a place to live, I still feel hurt and rejected.

I want a normal life like other people, but what chance has a person like me got of pulling this off? I'm such a failure and I think I need some help.

You describe yourself as a failure, but to me, it sounds as if you're making a great success of your life.

You've managed to pull yourself back from abuse and rejection. You're tough enough to have survived homelessness, found a job and a place to live and you're only in your early 20s! There are many people of your age who still can't afford a place to live and who don't have jobs.

You're very far from being a failure! You've a survivor and I am sure that you've got what it takes to move on from here and achieve whatever you set your mind to.

MY BOSS IS A BULLY

I was so excited to be starting my first proper job since leaving college, but six weeks in, I'm feeling thoroughly miserable.

My line manager has totally undermined my confidence; routine is everything for her and, if I don't do things exactly the way she wants, she tears me off a strip. This happens even if my results are good and, in an open-plan office, she's managed to reduce me to tears several times.

I know she's a bully and I know I should stand up to her, but I don't want to lose my job. I don't know how much more of her I can take and I'm afraid I'm going to explode.

Whatever you do, don't lose your temper - you'll make others think she's justified in telling you off and it will undermine your position.

I suggest you ask to speak to her in private and tell her that you're struggling to understand why things have to be done in such a particular way. Tell her you're keen to do well but would appreciate her help.

Make a note of the date and time of your meeting and what is said - just in case this doesn't work, but often, asking someone to help you takes the wind out of their sails. If she continues to shout at you, ask to speak to her manager or the HR manager and, hopefully, they will help you resolve things.

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