SHOULD I LEAVE MY CONTROLLING BOYFRIEND?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. I'm 19 now and was only 16 when we got together - he's now 25, so there's quite a big age gap.

I was a little naive, so was happy for him to take the lead on things when I was younger but, as I've got older I've learnt a lot and have ideas of my own. The thing is though, he's forever telling me what to do and he thinks he knows best because he's older.

It's really starting to annoy me now - and I think he's getting worse as he tries to tell me what to wear and who I should be friends with. He can get quite aggressive when I don't agree with him, too.

Three years is a long time to invest in someone but I'm getting more and more uncertain of my feelings for him. Do you think it's time I left him?

N. Y.

Fiona says: I think you're right to be concerned. The fact that he gets aggressive with you when you don't agree with him is worrying. And the fact that he tries to control who you make friends with is a big red warning light for me, and I think you need to be very cautious.

I suspect he has stepped up his attempts to control you precisely because he senses that you're not the same, naive person you were three years ago. If he was just a bit grumpy about not getting his own way, I wouldn't have been overly concerned, as - for some couples - having one dominant partner seems to work.

The fact that he gets aggressive about it though, hints at a controlling personality and many women have found themselves in this position, to their cost.

For some, this aggression and dominance doesn't develop into anything physical - none the less, it can strip away the strength and assertiveness to get away from it. For others, what starts as verbal aggression gets worse and worse, and can become physical aggression too.

It doesn't sound as if your boyfriend has hurt you, but please be aware that this might happen if he gets aggressive with you when he doesn't get his own way. As for his interference in who you should or shouldn't be friends with, this could be a way of alienating you from people who might help you stand up to him.

You are clearly already unhappy about the way he is treating you, and I think you need to take a stand, so he understands that you're not the person you were. Make it quite clear that you have your own ideas and opinions, and are perfectly capable of choosing your own friends. It might be wise to do this somewhere you can get away and be with others if he does start losing his temper with you - just to be safe.

It may be that I've read this wrong and that he'll back down, apologise and encourage you to develop from the girl you were into a woman with a personality of your own. I'd like to hope he can change, but he's got into the habit of controlling you and it won't be that easy for him.

If he shows any sign at all of aggression - either verbal or physical - then I'd say it's most definitely time to move on.