Resistance is futile

Pizza Express Swindon Designer Outlet Tel: 01793 433933

“WHATEVER happens, don’t let me have the dough balls.” We were taking a brisk walk to the new Pizza Express restaurant at the outlet village and I was determined not to let my little bit of exercise be cancelled out by some reckless ordering at our destination.

“I really, really love them,” I explained to my partner, salivating at the thought of those warm, fluffy pieces of dough being dipped into that beautifully whipped, super garlicky butter and it dripping off as I bit into... oh stop it!... “But they are so very bad for me. Whatever happens, I must not order the dough balls.”

I was an invited guest of this familiar high street chain, which has just opened a branch at the Designer Outlet Village, and I genuinely went along with good intentions. The restaurant has had its Leggera range of pizzas on the menu for the past five years, all of which come in at under 500 calories, so there really is no excuse for making a pig of yourself if you’re feeling like you need to lighten the load a little.

But the staff at the new restaurant had other ideas for the evening ahead. “As our guest, we’d really like you to try a few of the new dishes on the menu tonight,” beamed our super helpful waiter, Darren. “To start off, why don’t I bring you our dough balls formaggi? It’s a double helping of our famous dough balls, but baked with Gran Moravia cheese.” Oh dear...

This calorie-fest set the tone for a gluttonous evening of one delicious dish after another, after which we’d have needed to run a marathon to stand any chance of offsetting the damage.

Noci (£2.80) and marinated olives (£2.80) came first, as a light taster to fill the time it took to make those dough balls. Noci is a mix of almonds, peanuts and cashews toasted in harissa spices, and the concoction is incredibly moreish, its sweetness fitting well with the bitterness of green olives with pink peppercorns.

The whole bowl demolished, we made way for the giant plate of dough balls – 16 in all – served with a trio of dips (£7). Now I thought Pizza Express’s garlic butter was the ultimate foodie sin, but team it with pesto and 'nduja (an Italian dip of spicy sausage and olive oil) and it takes things to another level of decadence. I tucked in greedily before turning my attention to our other starter (yes, we had more) of melanzanine, a dish of aubergine, passata, mozzarella, garlic, basil and Gran Moravia cheese (£5.25). This is basically a little bowl of cheese layered upon cheese, with some tomato and slices of aubergine in there to make you feel more virtuous. I loved it, and it will certainly be on my radar next time I’m trying to resist the dough balls.

Now on a guilt trip, my healthy eating vow kicked in (albeit temporarily) when we turned our attention to mains. Leggera salmon salad (£12.40) was my oh-so-sensible choice... and then I spoiled it all by adding a side order of polenta chips (£3.95).

The dish it came on was ridiculously huge, piled high with mixed leaves, roasted salmon, chargrilled peppers, baby onions, avocado, mint and rocket. Had I not been on a mission to eat my way through the menu, I’d have felt quite well-behaved as the whole thing comes in at under 400 calories.

As it was I munched my way through most of the polenta chips too, which had been baked in rosemary oil and loaded with more of that Gran Moravia cheese. Absolutely delicious.

My partner was going all out with trying the new menu and chose a carbonara pizza (£12.80), which is exactly what you’d imagine – pancetta, garlic and mozzarella on a béchamel base with an egg baked into the centre – a breakfast pizza, if you like. He loved it and struggled through to the bitter end.

By this time, as you’d imagine, we could barely move. There was absolutely no way we could manage dessert and we resolved to call it a night.

But then Darren was back with his smiling recommendations, and resistance was futile. One slice of the new honeycomb cream slice (£5.60) arrived with two spoons and we gave it our best shot. A bit like a cheesecake, the creamy topping contains pieces of honeycomb and chocolate in a light cream, piled on a layer of salted caramel and biscuit base. The sweeter your tooth the better.

Our best shot turned out to be pretty good, as we determinedly ‘forced down’ the lot.

Finally – feeling and, no doubt, looking like a dough ball myself – we said our thank yous and rolled out of the door for the very long, very slow walk home.

That marathon would just have to wait for another day.