... our intrepid team of reporters did — but only to test which of the supermarkets serves up the best. STEPHEN DAVY OSBORNE reports

WITH supermarkets going for ever-more outrageous titles for their premium brand produce – The Finest, Irresistible and Morrisons’ downright boastful The Best – The Adver’s Taste Test Trio was tasked with putting these claims to the test, and pitted 10 pies from each of the town’s national supermarkets against each other in a blind taste test.

For the experiment I was joined by the ever hard-to-please Adver_Chris and the office’s token Northerner Adver_Tom, who by virtue of his extraction, is a connoisseur of the pie.

We were conscious that men had lost their lives in the fight for pie in times gone by, after Cromwell (sort of) banned pies in the 1640s as part of his purge on Christmas. This made the task at hand even more important as we set about trying to uncover where your hard-earned pounds should be spent in the pursuit of pastry perfection this British Pie Week (March 6-12).

First out of the oven was Asda’s Extra Special Slow-cooked British Steak and Joules Ale Pies (£6 for two). We would soon discover quite how unusual this particular pie was in comparison to its rivals, as the filling comes encased in an all-butter and suet pastry finished with an oat and nigella seed ‘sprinkle’.

It also didn’t look like your traditional sort of pie (so Adver_Tom told us) as it neither had a crimping around the top, nor a lid as such. That said, the steak was deliciously tender and came lathered in a thick peppery sauce. The pastry also held its structure when we sliced into it, making it ideal to serve to guests.

The bar had well and truly been set high. Just as well I had planned to serve up Waitrose’s fancy offering next – which comes complete with a shiny box, sporting Heston Blumenthal’s name. These Burgundy Braised Beef Pies by Heston for Waitrose came in slightly cheaper than Asda’s at £4.66 for two, sporting a blazered cow on the box sipping a glass of, what I can only assume to be, burgundy. Clearly the beef had been well marinated. The pastry on this one didn’t hold together quite so well when it was cut in to, but the pie had more of a traditional look about it than the Asda creation. We were soon distracted by the filling, with Adver_Tom declaring (with a mouth full of meat) “That is absolutely bursting with flavour”. And he wasn’t wrong. The burgundy partnered well with the beef. Adver_Chris was slightly harder to please, and felt the cuts of beef weren’t of quite the same quality as we had experienced in the Asda offering.

Next up was Lidl’s Deluxe British Steak and Theakston Old Peculiar Ale Pie (£1.69). So often the underdog, I had high hopes for this particular pie as coming out on top. Indeed, my dining companions believed one of the first two pies to be Lidl’s offering.

But sadly, this pie was only to disappoint. The first thing that was noticeable was just how shallow it was in comparison to the previous two, and that it came in a not so glamourous tin tray.

The pastry had the look of a steak bake from Gregg’s, and when our especially-sharpened-for-the-occasion knife was sliced into it, the whole thing collapsed, leaving a bit of a sorry mess on the serving plate.

And despite cleansing his palette with a glass of red (all in the name of science, I tell you) Adver_Tom only had one word to describe the filling – tasteless. Adver_Chris went so far as to describe it as simply tasting grey. Or beige. He wasn’t sure. But one or the other.

They weren’t far off the mark, but unfortunately this pie left a bit of a nasty aftertaste in our mouths in the form of a rather unpleasant coating on the roof of the mouth. More wine was definitely required with this one.

Next came the Co-operative’s Hand Finished Hereford Beef and Blacksticks Blue Cheese Pie (£3.49).

As the only member of the team in the know which pie was which, and what pretentious accompaniment had been included alongside the meat – which seems to be a vital ingredient if you are to have a premium pie – I was looking forward to this one. And I suspected it would do well with cheese fiend Adver_Tom.

But my hopes were to be dashed. This particular pie was soon to go on to become the benchmark of how the subsequent pies were allocated in the ranking. ‘Was it worse than the cheese?’ As you will see, it didn’t prove to be the worst of the bunch, but the Blacksticks certainly doesn’t get its moment to deliver its wonderful taste in this pie.

By now, Adver_Tom was very angry and declared this pie should never have been created. Perhaps a little harsh, but sadly not a winning combination for us, which was strange given our love of a good old black’n’blue burger.

His mood wasn’t elevated by the sight of our next pie, Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Beef Steak and London Porter Ale Shortcrust pie (£3.20).

Like Heston’s handiwork, this sported a more traditional crimp, which he likened to that of one of Mrs Miggins’ pies of Blackadder fame.

The pastry seemed to contain the most taste though, as it was rich and buttery, which unfortunately overshadowed the meaty filling.

“If there is any ale in there at all, they have used a miniscule amount,” Adver_Chris declared, although he did qualify that the filling seemed to be of the desired consistency.

Next up was the only frozen pie of the night, Iceland’s Limited Edition Pie Shop Steak, Red Wine and Mushroom Pie (£2 for 2). Requiring slightly longer in the oven, this pie could only be summarised as a “sloppy mess”.

When trying to divvy the pie up into three pieces the knife didn’t so much slice through the cardboardy upper crust so much as crush the whole thing into a flattened disgrace of gravy and pastry. Keeping an open mind at this point (2016 was the year when squashed peaches became a thing, after all) we hoped the filling might save the day.

“I can see they have made an effort, and I can sort of taste what they are trying to do,” Adver_Chris mused after asking for a spoon to clear up the mess on his plate. “You can taste the mushroom, the wine and the steak, but together it doesn’t work.”

After the disappointment that was Lidl’s effort, I hoped Aldi might be able to claw back some credibility for the German discounters with their hand-finished Scottish steak and claret puff pastry topped pie (£1.69).

Despite once again coming in a tin tray (which we had come to learn was a bad omen) this particular offering seemed to pack a bit of a punch, and both myself and Adver_Chris were suitably impressed. The pastry was flaky, but unlike Lidl was not soggy, while the Scotch steak filling was very satisfying.

“I don’t think it is at all bad,” Adver_Chris went so far as to say. Top marks all round for this budget-premium pie.

Next on the list was the one which had caught my eye while doing the shop earlier in the day – Tesco’s Finest Steak and Ale Pie (£2.50).

This came in an intricate box, promising us succulent chunks of West Country beef steak in a traditional rich ale gravy – all with a scattering of poppy seeds on top of its attractively crimped lid. But sadly this didn’t score many points with the trio. While the pastry was pleasant enough, the meat filling was quite dry, with the gravy almost thick enough to stand a spoon up in. Adver_Tom reliably informed us that that is not how a pie should be done up north, contrary to our belief.

Our next pie was where our vaguely scientific test started to fall apart – much like the pie itself, actually.

Despite being a champion of The North, Morrisons doesn’t offer a steak pie in its “The Best” range. Madness. Perhaps they are still cultivating it in the kitchen, and are only up to “Second Best” at present.

Determined that they shouldn’t miss out though, I had selected the only pie in their “The Best” range – a Chicken, Bacon and Porcini Mushroom Pie (£2.75).

After eight servings of steak with varying accompaniments of ale, wine and cheese, a serving of white meat was most welcome. The pastry wasn’t anything to write home about, and failed under the knife – back to the recipe book with you, Morrisons The Best Chefs! But the filling was fairly decent though, and the taste of the bacon and the mushrooms was carried through well, although Adver_Chris said he would have preferred the “very pretty pie” to have been cooked in a white sauce. Like I said, hard to please, that one.

I had decided to round the evening off with what I hoped would be a high, and a pie which might stop the pair of them bickering over whether number one or two was the finest, as they couldn’t agree on that one. Although they both agreed that one of them must belong to either Lidl or Aldi.

I was with the food snob though, and agreed Asda’s pie had ticked all the boxes for me, and would happily shell out the £6 again to serve up those pies for guests.

Confident that our league table would see some last minute shuffling about in the top positions I served up M&S’s Gastropub Steak and Old Peculiar Ale Pie (£3.50 or three for £10). But this unfortunately left a bit of a bad taste in the mouth as a final entrant, receiving few points for the pastry, which was almost suety – though without the success of the first pie – while the filling contained a few too many onions for our liking. Adver_Chris was that unimpressed he declared it was “going under the cheese one”.

Adver_Tom, meanwhile, is currently planning a move back to The North in search of a pie done properly.