LIKE some sort of stage magician producing doves from sleeves and rabbits from hats, I will now endeavour to produce 37 live acts from a town where, apparently, “nothing ever happens.”

Starting at The Victoria tonight, punk royalty The Cockney Rejects can be found blasting out salvos of street punk and Oi! anthems, a movement which they named and pretty much defined. They are joined by the controversially named girl-gang The Menstrual Cramps and the perfectly named rabble rousers The Dirty Outlaws.

More mellow options can be found at The Groves Company Inn with the pop-folk narratives and effortlessly melodic songs of Jamie R. Hawkins, while at The Beehive, Peter Jagger blends folk standards and slick original numbers, social commentary and deft penmanship into a set which tips its jauntily angled hat at the whole 60s folk revival scene.

Altruism and amazing music play their part on Friday, firstly at Commonweal School, where a fantastic live music show is being hosted to raise funds for much needed musical instruments and equipment. The evening will start with performances from the cream of the student crop before The Who Show, a tribute to the iconic outfit featuring Johnny Warman and Phil Spalding, reliving the heady days of the band via all the classic hits.

There is also a benefit for Friends of Young Carers at The Victoria featuring the insect referencing, Zappa-esque, psychedelic madness of Sex Jazz, the always excellent Flour Babies, plus Emily-Jane Sheppard, who adds a bit of charm and sanity.

More punk is on the cards at The Castle with that incendiary, poignant, sweary, silly and stupendous punk two-piece 2 Sick Monkeys, who share a bill with the Rotten Aces, a newish band but familiar faces armed with a bag of your favourite punk songs from the same people who brought you One Chord Wonders and Killertones.

Alan Clayson and The Argonauts is back at The Beehive, always a fantastic and highly original night from the man who navigated 60s underground pop, 70s psychedelia and 80s new wave, and who remains the sanest man on the lunatic fringe, and bringing you not so much a gig more a truly unforgettable experience.

Those looking for some rockabilly and old school rock’n’roll that really cuts the mustard should look no further than The Bulltown Boys at The Queen’s Tap, while two slices of rock are on offer, firstly from Forever Sabbaths, who cover both Ozzy and Dio eras of this seminal metal band at The Victoria, and Audio Asylum, laying out a stall of contemporary rock covers including a few well-chosen, rarer gems, at The Rolleston.

Saturday sees Shepherds Pie bring their hard rock and metal show to The Victoria, widely regarded as the genre’s premier tribute on the circuit and a must for anyone who wants to experience music delivered with the power and the ferocity with which it was originally intended. For an original take on the same genres I highly recommend festival stalwarts The Self-Titled, who can be found at The Groves Company Inn.

Bands delivering songs you know and love make up most of Saturday’s options, so in brief it goes like this... Barrelhouse gives you a history of high octane blues at The Queen’s Tap, while Big Brass Ska do exactly what it says on the tin at The Haydon Wick Club. Two bands who have the knack for choosing more unusual rock and underground covers from the musical canon are The Petty Thieves at The Red House, Purton, and Edgar and The Ravens at The Rolleston. Stripped and People Like Us offer acoustic cover options at The Castle and The Merlin respectively, and Felix and Funk ply a trade in funk, soul, dance and disco at The Swiss Chalet. A more scattergun delivery across genres and eras comes via Champagne Charlie at The Tap and Barrel, WMD at The Sun, Coate (I may be legally required to mention the phrase “10 legged party machine” but there just isn’t room) and Zing at The Woodland’s Edge.

Sunday sees the understated and beguiling Minnie Birch plus the mercurial and environmentally conscious Grasslands joining Mr Love and Justice for this month’s Lazy Sunday Afternoon at The Savernake Street Hall, and later that evening Xtra Mile’s Billy Pettinger, aka Billy The Kid, will be at The Victoria delivering a set of emotive folk punk with Heartwork and Sunset Service in support.

Finally also at The Victoria, on Monday, you can catch the gnarly, math rock of Let’s Swim, Get Swimming, with Pfaff, Enrosadira and Shore.

Cue music... “Ta-dah!”

And if you have just double checked the number of artists covered, shame on you!