“I SAT on the edge of a swimming pool with a bottle of vodka in one hand and tablets in the other and I wanted to drop into the water and never open my eyes again.”

This was the emotional turmoil that former Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas battled as he struggled with revealing to the world that he was gay.

Gareth, 40, who recently released his autobiography Proud, spoke of his troubles when he visited Swindon business Arval to give a talk on diversity and inclusion.

The Welsh former rugby league and union star came out in 2009 and said that he became a serial liar as he battled to keep his sexuality secret.

“I never understand why we find it hardest to tell the people close to us about our secrets,” said the former Wales captain.

“I guess, for me, it was that feeling of rejection of knowing that if it goes wrong I’ll go back to the pool or clifftop.

“I had created this dark homophobic world where I did not think I would be accepted, just to justify the way I felt about things.”

Gareth, who was previously married to a woman, said that it had taken him 25 years to accept his sexuality and he was relieved that his loved ones didn’t treat him any differently after he came out.

He said: “I wasn’t surprised as deep down, I would like to think that my family and friends would love me no matter what. They couldn’t understand why I’d lied.”

An audience of 60 people attended the talk at the car company’s base, in Windmill Hill Business Park, with many being moved to tears.

Gareth said: “It has been great to come here tonight and speak to people about diversity and I hope I’ve maybe helped to change people’s perceptions and let them think more about supporting those around them.

“It was very humbling to see people getting emotional during the talk.”

Arval is part of BNP Paribas banking group and holds an annual a diversity and inclusion week.