ADVER CHAT: Dr Phil says laughter is best medicine

Phil Hammond is an NHS doctor, comedian, journalist, broadcaster and campaigner. He was a GP for 20 years and now works in a hospital treating young people with chronic fatigue syndrome/ME.

Phil has been Private Eye's medical correspondent for 24 years, breaking the story of the Bristol heart scandal in 1992. He started as a comedian in 1990 with Tony Gardner in Struck Off and Die and is now on his fourth UK solo tour with ‘Dr Phil’s Health Revolution’ – an amalgamation of his two, sell-out 4* Edinburgh Fringe 2016 shows. He is a presenter for BBC Bristol and his fifth book, 'Staying Alive - How to Get the Best out of the NHS' is out now. He is a patron of lots of charities and campaigns for a bidet revolution in the NHS (from the bottom up). www.drphilhammond.com , @drphilhammond

What was your earliest ambition?

To be a geologist. I was brought up in Australia, and loved the colour of opal and iron pyrites. Years later, I discovered people were even more interesting than rocks and switched to medicine.

Who has been your biggest inspiration?

Steve Bolsin, the whistleblowing anaesthetist who raised concerns about heart surgery in Bristol back in 1992. He taught me to never lose sight of the patient and to speak the truth to power, no matter the personal consequences. Steve spoke up about the number of babies who were dying and sacrificed his NHS career in doing so. It was a huge loss to the NHS – we need to celebrate those who stand up to poor care.

What was the worst mistake in your career?

Flushing a woman's venflon with potassium instead of saline. The bottles were identical, and it was an easy mistake to make. Fortunately, I was so incompetent, the venflon had punctured the vein so her heart remained beating but her arm really hurt. I should have checked the bottle properly – I was tired, it was 2am, I wasn’t properly supervised – but I was responsible for nearly killing someone and it taught me to be much more safety conscious. It also taught me the system needs to be safer. Potassium can kill, and is now rightly locked away so it can’t be confused for saline.

What was your best career move?

Going to the Edinburgh Fringe in 1990 with Tony Gardner in Struck Off and Die. The most fun I've ever had with a rancid rice pudding and the door-opener for everything I've done since. After six years, Tony gave up medicine to be a comedy actor, and now has a BAFTA for Last Tango in Halifax. Not that I’m at all jealous. Bastard!

Bevan or Lansley? Who’s been the best, and the worst, Health Secretary in your lifetime?

My favourite health secretary sandwich would be an amalgam of Frank Dobson and Stephen Dorrell. I lost my temper with Andrew Lansley on Question Time, and met him twice in the toilets at the NICE conference. It was far from unpleasant, but I suspect we're both glad it won’t happen again. His Health and Social Care Act has been a disaster for the NHS. And Jeremy Hunt going to war with the junior doctors has been another disaster.

Who is the person you would most like to thank and why?

My Mum. She picked up the pieces after my Dad's suicide in 1969, crossed the globe and rebuilt our family with extraordinary resilience, wisdom and compassion. My wife Jo also deserves a medal, or at least a very long holiday.

To whom would you most like to apologise?

The woman who suffered potassium pain who I then tried to convince was allergic to saline. Also, the family of the man whose melanoma I missed. And the man I erroneously told had gonorrhoea when I mixed the notes up. And to the GMC who may now wish to reconsider my revalidation.

What’s your new book about?

It’s called 'Staying Alive - How to Get the Best from the NHS'. It’s more serious than the others, and I hope more useful. It also advises you on how to get the most from your one wild and precious life. In it I argue that most lives need living not medicalising. I use the idea of doing CLANGERS every day as a way to live well, with or without illness. Connect, Learn, be Active, Notice, Give back, Eat well, Relax and Sleep. (And don't forget your five portions of fun.) There are also lots of very inspiring and moving stories from NHS carers and patients who offer their experience and advice on how to survive and thrive in a service that’s creaking at the seams.

If you were given a £1m, what would you spend it on?

I'd give it to Kissing It Better, a wonderful charity I'm a patron of that uses community volunteers to put fun, compassion and painted nails back into hospitals and care homes. Brilliant idea, hampered only by the defensive, fearful mindset in some parts of the NHS.

Where are/were you happiest?

When I was mis-introduced at a conference as the Patron Saint of Herpes. (I'm a Patron of the Herpes Viruses Association). And I once did the perfect poo (according to the Bristol Stool Chart). It coiled twice around the pan and was pointed at both ends. Beat that.

What single unheralded change has made the most difference in your field in your lifetime?

People using the knowledge they've gleaned from the Internet constructively rather than staring at it briefly, flicking onto porn and drowning in a sea of pink.

Do you believe in doctor-assisted suicide?

Yes. As soon as I start putting CDs in the toaster, I'll be popping Dr Phil's Go Quickly Pills

What book should every doctor read?

The Health and Social Care Bill (14th Edition). I've never read anything that's made me laugh and cry so much, yet been so devoid of sense.

What poem, song, or passage of prose would you like mourners at your funeral to hear?

The Jimi Hendrix cover of Bob Dylan's All Along the Watchtower. As incomprehensible as the Health Bill but had it passed in its place, the NHS would be a lot funkier.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

I lie for laughs (when I’m a comedian, not a doctor)

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?

I'd try to get to the truth of all the horrendous whistleblowing stories in my Private Eye in-tray.

What are your most treasured possessions?

My normally-sized prostate and non-hurting teeth

What personal ambition do you still have?

I'd like to be Director of Comedy at NHS England. For 90% of symptoms, you’re better off with a dog than a doctor. It’s time people were told the truth.

Summarise your personality in three words

Subversive, distracted, semi-trustworthy

Where does alcohol fit into your life?

I take a small dose daily with my Ramapril. And another tot with my Amlodipine.

What is your pet hate?

Fear. It's the cancer at the heart of the NHS that feeds bullying and anxiety, and kills compassion and transparency.

What would be on the menu for your last supper?

My brain

Have you got any regrets about becoming a doctor/ comic/ journalist/ campaigner/ broadcaster?

I have five fascinating jobs so I'm never bored. But I'm too busy and I regret not keeping in touch with old friends and being too distracted to engage properly with new ones.

If you weren’t in your present role, what would you be doing instead?

Collecting rocks

For those who haven’t you on stage before what can they expect?

Access to a doctor. It’s hard getting in to see a doctor these days, so I always bring my black bag, prescription pad and sick notes. I tend to get problems from the audience, rather than heckles, and my changing room is open for swabs during the interval. Most of the material has a medical theme but it’s accessible to everyone. I aim for funny, therapeutic comedy with a message.

You have a reputation for being out-spoken and explicit. Is this show rude?

It depends what you mean by explicit. I occasionally swear, and I’m a firm believer in demystifying medicine and destigmatising illness. I talk about all the things British people struggle with – mental illness, sexual health, death and properly funding our NHS

What inspired you to create the show?

Approaching the 70th anniversary of the NHS has made me reflect on what’s happening to our health service (and what politicians have done to it) and I’m always trying to discover where all the money’s gone. £120 billion a year and the NHS is still no safer than bungee jumping. We need to join up the NHS rather than fragment it by putting every service out to tender. There’s also a lot of material about self-help in the new show, and a very personal account of mental illness and death in my family. Most of us spend our lives trying to balance pleasure and harm, and ignore the toxic rucksack of disappointment, harm and grief we carry around every day. Everyone needs to know how to be kind to their mind and to pleasure themselves sensibly. Do you?

You once stood for Parliament. Any chance of you going into politics in the future?

I stood for the Struck Off and Die Junior Doctors Alliance (SODJDA) in 1992 against health secretary William Waldegrave, to blow the whistle on our dangerous working conditions. We got loads of publicity, but only 87 votes. I protested outside the Department of Health last year with junior doctors and was very proud to support their brave stance for patient safety. In truth, I hate adversarial party politics. There should be no left and right, just right and wrong. Get the best people in post and let them grow up and work together. Politics needs a more scientific approach where we pilot new ideas before implementing them across the board, and we’re not frightened to admit something didn’t work and try another tack. The over-promising and unrealistic expectations fostered by politicians makes them all ultimately fail. Big ideas are generally bollocks. Incremental change based on the best available evidence in a realistic time frame sound very dull, but it’s more likely to get results.

You’re very passionate about patient rights. What in your opinion is the biggest challenge for the NHS in this regard?

Patient empowerment is the crucial bit of the jigsaw missing from NHS reform, and being heard is even harder if your illness isn’t sexy to the media. I’m a vice president of the Patients Association and a patron of the Herpes Viruses Association, and I try to raise the profile of those forgotten illnesses that don’t get a look in on the front of the Daily Mail.

How does it feel being the only doctor/comedian still practising medicine?

Sadly I’m not. Dr Hilary gave his finest comic performance ever on ITV’s ‘Dancing on Ice’ and continues to amuse more than I could ever dream of.

You’re a regular on Countdown & a Scrabble enthusiast. What’s your favourite word?

Blissom. A blissful state of sexual heat. Although I might have made that up.

Lastly Dr. Phil, what do you to relax?

See above. And if that fails, I’m very adept at relaxing in a gentleman’s way. Also, I’m proud to be acquainted with one wife, two kids, two dogs, two cats, two retired ponies, a rural community, the Ring O’ Bells, the Red Lion, the Bear and Swan, the Pelican, the Pony and Trap, BBC Bristol, a great NHS team, Bath Rugby, the Mendips, Lads v Dads football, a large book collection and an old trumpet. I’m currently murdering Louis Armstrong classics with the help of a Hal Leonard jazz play-along CD.