A fabulous place to stay, by George! - Clooney

THE hunt began at dusk. Working on reported sightings and a loose-tongued villager’s tittle-tattle we took a left turn at the quaint Sonning Bridge down to the river banks ready to stalk our prey.

Notoriously elusive, our target had evaded the gaggle of shutterbugs determined to track his every move when he first settled down in Berkshire... but we were confident we’d be able to catch a glimpse of the lesser-spotted Clooney romping through the spinneys of Sonning Eye.

David Attenborough may have made a career patiently hanging around bushes but the waiting game was not all it was cut out to be.

After an arduous journey (the M4 was rather busy) and a thorough Google search which confirmed that yes, the vast swathes across the river belonged indeed to the “Clooney Estate”, was it too much to ask to bump fortuitously into George Clooney by his country pile or at least spot him strolling down his immense garden, close enough to the edge of the property for us to wave? I think not.

If the fairy lights decking the property and warm glow within were anything to go by, the Clooneys were at home.

And if the smarting gale slapping our faces on the banks was also anything to go by, they probably had no intention of braving the cold that night.

But a good hunter/stalker never gives up so we decided to head back to our abode for the night, The Great House. Its restaurant, the new Coppa Club, is a favourite local spot and, we had it on good(ish) authority that Mr Clooney and his wife, Amal, the human rights lawyer, had patronised it.

The Great House at Sonning is the former White Hart public house, so named after King Richard II’s insignia, whose wife Isabella of Valois was kept prisoner at the Bishop’s Palace in the village after his death.

In 1989, the original White Hart was combined with The Red House, where the dramatist Sir Terence Rattigan lived in the late 1940s to become The Great House.

We surveyed our spacious room. Effortlessly elegant and snug with subdued grey furnishings and soothing tones, it was livened up by a modish teal Chesterfield-style headboard and plump yellow cushions neatly laid out on the bed. This was the ideal rest stop between recces.

Unfortunately the room was not river facing, putting the stalking mission in minor jeopardy. This was probably a blessing in disguise as my partner was becoming less inclined to indulge my harmless sleuthing. He was probably relieved not to have to compete with a window.

Soon, we headed down to Coppa Club for a pick-me-up — my spirits were low — before our meal. Champagne in hand, with prime seats on a comfortable sofa by the door, we had plenty of time to take in the vintage-inspired yet sleek and modern design.

Coppa Club is the latest venture of Hugh Osmond, the man behind Pizza Express and the likes of La Strada.

An intriguing hybrid, it blends a homey café feel, complete with cosy Chesterfields, period velvet couches and upcycled trunks as coffee tables, with a trendy bar vibe and rustic dining decor.

The sea of silver foxes and occasional flash of jet back hair did little to take my mind off Mr Clooney but perusing the mouthwatering and very affordable menu (considering celebrities grace its hallowed walls) offered a merciful distraction.

Inspired by the flavours of Italy — the restaurant boasts a large selection of fresh pasta and pizzas — but with a distinctly British inn touch, Coppa certainly knows how to make a customer dither.

My eyes darted across the page deciding on one dish until the next entrée along made me reconsider my entire order.

Finally I settled on fresh crab bruschetta, a thick layer of crab meat peppered over creamy yoghurt seasoned with punchy lemon and chilli and a sprinkling of mint leaves.

The juicy king prawns seared in garlic lemon and chilli vanished within minutes of landing on the other side of the table.

Determined to bring myself out of my (fast waning) no-Clooney funk I treated myself to my favourite dish, rare ribeye steak. The tender meat was simply exquisite, thanks in no small part to generous servings of truffle cream and sautéed potatoes speckled with cheese.

A carnivore after my own heart, my partner opted for the safer but clearly extremely satisfying Coppa Club burger proffered in a golden brioche bun.

The highlight was yet to come with a molten sticky toffee pudding draped in copious lashings of syrup and served with vanilla ice cream.

George Clooney may well have popped in and out of Coppa at that stage – I was too engrossed in my pudding to notice.

Standing by his no-sharing policy, my partner polished off his own enormous hazelnut Pavlova.

I ordered an Americano, milking our time at Coppa for all it was worth and still holding out hope of seeing George bounding through the door for a post-dinner tipple. Eventually, though, we called off the search — until morning.

After a hearty breakfast of pancakes slathered in orange crème fraiche and cinnamon French toast we headed back down the river banks.

In the cold light of day, with only a small orange digger and blue portable toilet to feast our eyes on through the copse surrounding the Clooney mansion, we had to resign ourselves to the harsh truth (well, I had to — my partner had long given up). Unless Mr Clooney was a religious man and attended Sunday service I had missed my chance of seeing him in the flesh.

Church?! Yes of course.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. With renewed hope I dragged my boyfriend down to St Andrew’s, guided by the sound of bells calling worshippers.

The crowd of chocolate Labradors (and owners) was a surprising sight in the church yard. But George was nowhere to be found.

A Dickensian Fair was due to start at 2pm, a lovely warden told us. But even I could see that the chances of a childless Oscar-winner filing into a crammed church for a toffee apple were slim to none.

We said our goodbyes to the helpful warden guarding the church gates. He was no George Clooney but with his silver mane (what was left of it anyway) and cheeky smile, he was the closest to ER’s heartthrob Dr Doug Ross I would meet that day or — perish the thought! — ever.

•  Marion stayed at the The Great House at Sonning, Thames Street, Sonning, RG4 6UT. Rooms range from £70 to £140 depending on dates. To book call  0118 9692277.
•  To find out more about Coppa Club or make a reservation go to www.coppaclub.co.uk, or call 0118 9219890.