How can you long for something that’s going to result in someone's death?

“THEY call it the gift of life but it doesn’t matter how you dress it, someone is going to have to die for me to live. And you just think ‘how can you long for something that’s going to result in someone’s death?’.”

If Rachel McFarlane could travel back in time, she would stub out the cigarette dangling from the hand of her 12-year-old self and warn the little girl that giving in to addiction would only land her on a waiting list for a double-lung transplant by the time she turned 54.

She would also tell her that a transplant only held a 50 per cent success rate and, even then, may only buy her as few as five years of life.

“If I lived my life over again I would make every single mistake again – it’s what makes you who you are – expect smoking,” said the manager of outsourced accounts at Morris Owen in Old Town. “But hindsight is 20/20.”

The mother-of-two was smoking up to 50 cigarettes a day when she suddenly began suffering from breathlessness and coughing bouts which left her feeling sick and losing weight in 2002.

She underwent a battery of tests and was diagnosed with emphysema, a chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. She was just 42.

She was warned then and there by doctors that she would need an oxygen tank to breathe by the time she was 50, if she persisted with smoking.

Even then, as her life hung in the balance, her reticence to give up smoking held her back.

It would take another year before she finally gathered the strength to give up.

“They said I was very young to be diagnosed with emphysema but I took a good year to get my head round the fact that I had to stop,” confessed Rachel, who lives near Cirencester.

“I didn’t care about my health; I didn’t want to stop. It was so addictive. After a year of putting it off I stopped overnight. I got through it, day by day. It was tough. I loved smoking. And I didn’t think I could be happy not smoking. But I was a lot happier when I stopped. I felt an incredible sense of achievement.”

Rachel’s health gradually improved thanks to regular exercise.

But five years ago, she found herself struggling for breath again. She mentioned it to a nurse at her annual breathing test but the results came back clear. The symptoms worsened and she was eventually referred to Bristol Royal infirmary for a biopsy last year.

The procedure went wrong and she suffered from internal bleeding. She was rushed back into theatre and part of her right lung was removed.

She was soon diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis – a rare and poorly understood condition that causes scarring of the lungs – and given three years to live.

“When they first diagnosed me, I came away reeling. I thought I was going to be handed another pill to take or another inhaler to use. I thought it could never happen to me, but it did.

The only choice was a transplant. I tried to pretend everything was fine and I didn’t tell anyone at work at first. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

She was referred to Harefield Hospital in Middlesex and told to lose weight to be eligible for a transplant. Now two stones lighter, she has been patiently waiting for a second chance at life ever since.

“Time is ticking. And you only get one shot. If the transplant doesn’t work, you don’t get another go.

“There is only a 50 per cent survival rate and they said I would be expected to live just five years after the operation. I think the longest you can expect to live is about 20 years.

“It’s been difficult. I can’t leave home or go anywhere because I have to be within three hours of the hospital at all times in case I get a call about the transplant. I’m scared about it. I want it and I don’t want it.

“When I get the call it’s quite likely to be an aborted call.

“That means that when you get to the hospital they can decide that the lung is not suitable. It’s happened three times to one of my friends. You live on your nerves.

“It makes you realise what’s important in life. And what matters is your family, your friends and your health. What was important to me before is completely trivial now.”

The diagnosis inspired Rachel to raise funds for the Harefield Heart and Lung Appeal, which would allow the hospital to buy disposable Organ Care Systems Kits. Each kit, used to preserve organs during transportation, would allow for a 12-hour window for transplantation, compared with the standard three hours.

With the help of colleague and photographer Gary Mothersill, she created a 2015 charity calendar and so far has secured £2,800 towards the appeal, thanks to a £1,000 donation from Morris Owen.

“I just wanted to raise funds for other people. I’m not a saint, I’m just practical and pragmatic. And the support of the office has been absolutely phenomenal.

“Fundraising has helped me on a personal level which I didn’t foresee. I’ve become less self-centred since the diagnosis and more aware of other people’s health issues and challenges.

“You live in a world of negatives and horrible thoughts. You think, ‘when I get a transplant someone is going to die’.

“I’m desperately looking for the positives and the fundraising is the most positive thing I can do right now.

“Without a sense of humour I would also have given up a long time ago. I want to enjoy whatever time I have left but I don’t want to sit on my bottom waiting. I will keep fighting.”

Rachel, with the support of Morris Owen, will hold a race night on Thursday, March 19 at 7pm at Blunsdon House Hotel. Tickets are £5. To book email Rachel.McFarlane@ morrisowen.com.

To buy a calendar, which costs £7.50, or make a donation go to www.justgiving.com/ Rachel-McFarlane2 or email Rachel.

To find out more about the Harefield Heart and Lung Appeal go to rbhcharity.org/ harefield_heart_and_lung_appeal.

• Pulmonary fibrosis is a rare condition that causes scarring of the lungs.
•  Symptoms include shortness of breath which gradually worsens over time and a persistent dry cough.
•  The cause is still unclear, but the condition appears to involve the cells that line the tiny air sacs in the lungs. These are called alveolar epithelial cells (AECs).
•  As the scarring gets worse the lungs find it more difficult to work properly.
•  It is estimated that more than 5,000 cases are diagnosed every year in the UK.
•  The condition usually first develops in adults aged 50 or above and is thought to be more common in men.
•  In the UK, the average survival for people with the condition is three years from the time of diagnosis. However, around 20 per cent of people with the disease survive for more than five years.