Anorexia ruled Nicola's life from age of nine

The dreaded vegetables and meat would magically vanish from her plate when backs were turned but she was unable to fool social workers for long.

At just nine years old, the little girl who went to extreme lengths to deprive her frail body of food was diagnosed with anorexia.

For the next 30 years, the mother-of-two from Moredon would push herself to the brink, hacking away at her health, only surviving on a meagre diet of Dr Pepper, milk and potatoes. At her lowest ebb she weighted just three and a half stone.

Brought up by abusive parents and on the edge of poverty, at three years old, Nicola was forced to scavenge in her school bins along with her seven siblings.

Gradually hunger became an integral part of her life. Soon, she began refusing food altogether and skipping meals, something she could easily do without much notice in the children’s homes she would be placed in over the years.

“I was always hungry as a child and I think my body adjusted,” explained the 45-year-old. “It started off with me not being hungry anymore and then it became an issue where I was scared to eat, and then to eat in front of other people. You can’t explain it. You get this pain in your stomach when you know your body is craving food but it’s like you have a devil and an angel on your shoulder. You know you have got to eat but you can’t.

“It had nothing to do with body image for me. I think part of it was punishing myself but it was also a way to be in control. It was the only thing I had control over as a child.”

Nicola suspects many factors, including a chaotic childhood contributed to her developing a severe eating disorder.

“I can’t pinpoint what exactly what started my anorexia, but I know the triggers that made it worse.

"When I was three, my mum was lighting a coal fire and she had an epileptic fit and fell in the fire. My sister and I were at home and we had to raise the alarm.

"My mum also told me she only became epileptic when she gave birth to me. I was dealing with a lot of guilt.

“We were eating out of bins. I suppose we were hungry children. It was far from a stable childhood.

“And we were taken away from our parents and put in care. I was in and out of children’s homes.

“My mother remarried. My step father abused me sexually from the age of six.”

By the age of nine, Nicola was fostered by a social worker. But at weekends when she returned home, the abuse at the hand of her stepfather continued. She never told anyone at the time.

As a result, Nicola acted out, stealing from those who took her in. Her relationship with food worsened and she was left in a blind panic at meal times, desperately trying to come up with new ways to avoid eating.

“I remember just sitting there and crying my eyes out, saying ‘I don’t want to eat please don’t make me do it.’ I would drop my plate on the floor. I would find any excuse. I was hiding food in my ears, in my hair as a child, just anywhere I could. You’re always looking for places to get rid of it, you really are.

“When you get that pain in your stomach saying you’re hungry, it’s a buzz. You know you’re pushing your body to that ultimate limit.

“But I didn’t realise that was a problem. I was in denial.

“Even through my pregnancies with Sabrina and Thomas, I continued to only eat potatoes and milk.

“You get locked up in anorexia. The deeper you slip in an eating disorder the more messed up your mind becomes. I ended up with severe OCD. It was all a way of coping. I had never confronted my demons.”

Watching as their mother wasted before their eyes, Nicola’s children became so concerned about her health and leaving her during the day at school that they had to be homeschooled.

The situation deteriorated when Nicola started skipping her measly daily helping of potatoes. Instead, she turned to fizzy drinks, which allowed her to feel fuller, and consumed 6L of Dr Pepper a day.

“I couldn’t walk. I started to ache. My legs started to seize. But it was a rush.”

By 1999, her potassium levels had dipped to 0.7, nearly three times lower than normal. She was rushed to hospital. Doctors, she recalls, were simply baffled to see someone in her alarming condition still alive.

But it is not until she was hospitalised again in 2002, so close to death that her family were advised to buy a coffin, and her daughter Sabrina took an overdose that she realised the impact her self-destructive behaviour had on her children. She promised them she would look after herself.

“When my daughter tried to kill herself that was a wake-up call. She was 13.

“That’s when I started accepting I had anorexia.

“My children made me promise that I would do everything in my power to get better, so I put in all that I had.

“I do class my kids as my little pieces of heaven now because I have to stay on the good side of my battle to prove I can be a good mum.”

But despite this resolution, her body was unable to recover from decades of starvation and she suffered a heart attack, six years ago, at the age of 39.

To this day, Nicola can only manage one meal a day, either salad or pasta and her usual litres of Dr Pepper. After years of making herself sick she was forced to have all her teeth removed. Her dipping potassium level weakened her bones and muscles to such an extent that she broke her arms and legs twice and her nose ten times.She is being kept alive by 8,330 tablets a year to treat depression, risk of another heart attack, low potassium levels and high blood pressure.

Determined to spare the younger generation from the same fate, two years ago Nicola took it upon herself to educate pupils and their teachers in schools, sharing openly her battle with anorexia.

She is now poised to launch a charity, FEED, Fighting Each Eating Disorder. This will encompass everything from anorexia and bulimia to obesity.

“I should no longer be alive but I am. I’m not stupid and I know that if I don’t have another heart attack, with all the pills I take, my kidneys are going to fail. But I’m not scared to die. Why would I be scared of something I’ve already stared in the face? But when I go I want to leave something behind that can help people.

“Speaking in schools helps me on my road to recovery. I educate people and help them to look for the signs of an eating disorder.

“I started this with the intention to have a charity. We need a place in Swindon where children can go and learn about their body. It’s about prevention and about raising awareness.

“My life now is full of light. Am I going to have a long life? I don’t know but it’s a lot rosier now than it was just seven years ago.”

In order for FEED to become a registered charity, Nicola must raise £5,000. A FEED open day will be held at the Brunel at the end of August. To make a donation or to get in touch with Nicola email nicolabragg@hotmail.co.uk or go to her Facebook page Support Nikki for Raising Anorexia Awareness in Schools.

Anorexia fact file

• Anorexia, also known as anorexia nervosa, is a serious mental health condition. It is an eating disorder in which people keep their body weight as low as possible.

• The condition often develops out of an anxiety about body shape and weight that originates from a fear of being fat or a desire to be thin.

• Anorexia most commonly affects girls and women, although it has become more common in boys and men in recent years. On average, the condition first develops at around the age of 16 to 17.

• People with anorexia often go to great lengths to hide their behaviour from family and friends by lying about what they have eaten, or by pretending to have eaten earlier.

• Anorexia can also be associated with other psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, alcohol misuse and self-harm.

• In most cases, treatment will involve a combination of psychological therapy and advice on eating and nutrition.

• Around half of people with anorexia will continue to have some level of eating problem despite treatment.

• If anorexia remains unsuccessfully treated for a long time, a number of serious problems can develop, include fragile bones, infertility and other heart problems.

• The exact causes of anorexia are unclear. But many people who develop anorexia share certain personality and behavioural traits that may make them more likely to develop the condition. These include:

A tendency towards depression and anxiety;

Finding it hard to handle stress;

Excessive worrying and feeling scared or doubtful about the future;

Perfectionism – setting strict, demanding goals or standards;

Being very emotionally restrained;

Having feelings of obsession and compulsion.