Question: I’VE just got my first steady boyfriend and he’s really nice.

The other girls are telling me I’m so lucky, but I think there is something wrong with me as I don’t feel anything when he kisses me.

It just all seems a bit messy – am I doing something wrong or is he?

I’m 13 and this is the first time I’ve been in a kissing sort of relationship. B.C.

Fiona says: THE fact that it feels messy to you may mean all sorts of things.

He may not know what he’s doing and therefore isn’t very good at kissing. You may not be responding to him as he expects you to, so he’s getting a bit over-enthusiastic.

Or you may just not be enjoying it – which might be because you don’t particularly like kissing; you don’t find him that attractive; or you’re just not ready yet.

Just because your friends think he’s great doesn’t mean you have to, and if you’re not attracted to him, he won’t turn you on.

You may really like him as a person and as a friend but if that’s all you feel for him, then it may be time to let him go.

If you are attracted to him, then start showing him how you do like to be kissed and hopefully he’ll learn to do it better.

 

Question: MY brother and I have always fought and sometimes things can get really heated.
Most of the time we get on really well, but then something will trigger a row and when that happens, we don’t talk for ages.
It’s always me that ends up making the first move to patch things up again and I’m starting to resent this.
I don’t want our rows to split us apart for good but why can’t he be the first to say sorry? He’s older than me and he’s supposed to be the smartest. J.M.

Fiona says: ARE you sure he’s smarter than you?
You’ve already worked out that being friends is a lot easier than being enemies and it’s a pity your brother can’t see that too.
I take it the two of you aren’t talking at the moment and you’re waiting for him to break the stalemate for once.
If he can’t learn to sort out disagreements with his sister, then how is he going to cope in the wider world – at work for example?
I suspect he’s proud and perhaps less tolerant than you.
Being the peacemaker is not a bad role in life – in most relationships there is a need for compromise and as long as you’re not a push-over, being that person is good.
You will probably always have to continue being the one that makes the first move where your brother is concerned but as he gets older and more responsible, he may row less and you won’t have to work so hard to put things right.
Once you are talking again, it might be worth talking through what it is that triggers these rows and seeing if you can’t avoid them in future.