For years Mark Worrall would obsessively study textbooks just to avoid the problems he had reading aloud on the spot in front of his classmates. Here he tells MARION SAUVEBOIS how he struggled to hide his dyslexia as a child, before it was even diagnosed

FOR hours on end, Mark Worrall would barricade himself in his room, poring over books, willing himself to memorise each line ready for the next day’s ordeal.

Reading aloud off the cuff in front of his classmates was inconceivable for the little boy. The words would get muddled up, the letters near impossible to make out at a second’s notice.

But when he stood up in class reciting the carefully rehearsed text, no one was any the wiser.

For the next three decades, not a single teacher, relative or friend would pick up on his dyslexia.

“I blamed myself,” recalls Mark from Old Town. “I couldn’t understand why I had to work harder. I thought I was thick; that it was because I had only just got into grammar school that I was having problems.

“I was really slow and I used to get bullied quite a lot. So I’d be at home working out where I’d be sitting and where roughly I’d be reading from the book. And I’d practice. I’d be so anxious, in class, not knowing if I’d get the right passage.”

His grammar school’s ingrained culture of one-upmanship and ruthless competitiveness only served to make him feel more inadequate.

By the same token, this 'succeed or bust' approach prompted him to overcompensate and went a long way to conceal his learning difficulty.

For the most part Mark scraped by, falling under the radar. He was simply dismissed by indifferent teachers as the runt of the litter.

“I’m a compensation dyslexic,” explains the 40-year-old, who now splits his time between his job as a tutor and his work as an artist.

“Without realising it I overcame all the hurdles by trying much harder. I didn’t have a life as a child outside of school. I would go home, have my tea and work from 6pm to 9pm. In the summer holidays I would try to prepare for the next academic year. My parents thought that it was normal: I was at a grammar school and the work was much harder. I never got numbers or letters the wrong way round but I think that was down to discipline. It’s the same with spelling. I break a word down in parts in my head.

“Teachers didn’t really pay much attention. I was an average student, through sheer determination.

“What people don’t realise is the socio-emotional issue of having this learning difficulty. You carry low self-esteem, depression, anxiety with you every single day. People with dyslexia often think they’re lazy or stupid.”

Dyslexia can cause problems with reading, writing and spelling.

People with the dyslexia can confuse the order of letters in words, have poor or inconsistent spelling, have difficulty with information written down and struggle with planning and organisation.

“I know now that dyslexia means I have a slow processing speed,” he adds with a sigh. “It’s like a time delay. I don’t have that 'automaticity' other people have. And my brain has to decode everything, every single word, every single time.

“It affects everything – writing, speaking, reading and things like picking up a cup. I have to tell my hand exactly what to do to pick up a cup. If people ask me questions I have to think of the answer first. You have to keep on top of things all the time.”

Stress only heightens the symptoms and a simple task can seem insurmountable under pressure.

Despite a constant struggle to keep up, Mark eventually earned a place at the University of Wales, Lampeter to study archaeology.

The flexible hours and more relaxed study pace allowed him to plan, organise his time and once again evade any “suspicion” or doubt.

“I found essay writing a struggle but I had more time to catch up and do things at my own pace,” he reasons.

After graduation, he became a substance misuse worker before joining Cardiff Metropolitan and the University of Gloucestershire as a personal tutor.

It was in 2007, while speaking to a friend with dyslexia, that the possibility he may too have the learning difficulty first dawned on him. Footing a £500 bill for a private assessment to find out was far too expensive so he put his doubts out of his mind.

He wouldn’t be diagnosed until four years later at the age of 35.

But his initial relief soon turned to anger and frustration.

“It was a relief to think: ‘I’m not thick’ and it validated all the hard work, but later I felt frustrated. You think: ‘Why was it not picked up? Why wasn’t I supported? Why did I have to struggle?’

“You make your peace with it. But you have those feelings.”

The diagnosis did not stop short at dyslexia. In May this year, Mark found out he was born with Irlen Syndrome, which tampers with the brain’s ability to process visual information. This, coupled with dyslexia, shed light on years of bullying, inadequacy and overcompensating.

“If I look at black words on white paper, the white in between the lines shines out and distorts the words and makes it that much more difficult. It’s to do with the brain’s inability to process wavelengths of light. Looking back now the Irlen was part of the problem.”

Following his initial diagnosis Mark decided to train as a special study skills tutor to support students with anything from dyslexia to Dyspraxia and ADHD He is now studying to become a learning difficulties assessor.

“Things have improved but you still get people who don’t get diagnosed until higher education or later. Once they’ve been diagnosed as a tutor it’s about helping them to time manage and be independent learners, stand on their own two feet and go into the world of work that much more confident.

“I look back and think if I had had someone able to sit with me and guide me to help me feel empowered, listened to and understood, it would have made a difference. I want to make that difference to them.”

Through the emotional upheaval of the successive diagnoses, art has been Mark’s brace, a welcome respite from the torrent of information threatening to overwhelm him each day. He first exhibited his ceramic works, photographs and collages inspired by Swindon’s urban landscape through the Open Studios two years ago. One of his collages was displayed at the Festival of Dyslexic Culture in London last year.

“Art is like applying balm to the brain,” he smiles. “It’s pure instinct; I don’t have to think. Dyslexia is never an impediment for arts. I’m now more at ease and at peace. I’ve found what I want to do in life.”

Factfile

 

  • Dyslexia is a common learning difficulty that can cause problems with reading, writing and spelling.
  •  It is estimated that up to one in every 10 to 20 people in the UK has dyslexia.
  •  A person with dyslexia may: read and write very slowly; confuse the order of letters; put letters the wrong way round; have poor spelling; understand information when told verbally, but have difficulty with information written down; find it hard to carry out a sequence of directions; struggle with organisation. For more information go to bdadyslexia.org.uk.
  •  Irlen Syndrome is a specific type of perceptual problem that affects the way the brain processes visual information. It is not an optical problem.
  •  Having Irlen Syndrome prevents many people from reading effectively and efficiently.
  •  It is believed between 12 and 15 per cent of people are affected. To find out more go to irlenuk.com.