National treasure Julian Clary is celebrating 30 years in show business with a new tour: The Joy of Mincing. He chats to the Adver about his new life in the country and coming to Joan Collins’ rescue in St Tropez

Why The Joy of Mincing?

I always like to get ‘mincing’ into the title. It sets the tone, doesn’t it? I suppose mincing, apart from being a means of walking around, is a way of life. The Joy of Mincing is a declaration of the joy of life despite disapproval, perhaps.

Is the show as rude as ever?

I don’t want to be filthy for the sake of it, but I think it’s a comic device.

You just exaggerate who you really are on stage. I’m quite fond of moments of vulgarity.

What sort of stories will you be telling on this tour?

Well, there’s a rather long story about how I once saved Joan Collins’s life in a swimming pool in St Tropez. It’s a long, meandering tale that fills the first half.

Then the second half is about MBEs. They’re handing them out like Smarties. I think, ‘Ooh, I’d like one of those’, but it’s never happened so I’m obviously not favoured by the Establishment. So during the show, I give myself one and call it ‘Mincer of the British Empire’. I’m making lots of these MBEs and handing them out to people in the audience. Just the lucky few, you understand: it’s not included in the ticket price.

If you were offered an MBE in real life would you accept?

I’d bite their hands off! I think I’ve been too rude about the Royal Family over the years, unfortunately. I’m probably on some kind of black list somewhere.

What was your worst ever gig?

It was in Chatham, in Kent. I don’t know what was wrong with them, but nobody laughed for two hours. I was seething. I refused to ever go back. If you search through all of my novels, I’m rude about Chatham in all of them.

It clearly scarred me for life, and I’m still seeking revenge.

Your personal life seems to have changed as much as your career - you’ve turned your back on partying and now live an idyllic rural lifestyle in a village in Kent.

Yes. Well that’s what I’m telling you anyway. I think there’s nothing drearier than a 56-year-old homosexual hanging around Soho in Lycra.

Mercifully, one grows out of that. Thank goodness.

Are you well known in your village?

Most people here have got better things to do than get excited about celebrities in their midst.

Mind you, I was in the front garden recently and a woman drove past with a friend and then I heard her car screech to a halt.

And I heard her say, ‘There he is, look, there he is’.

Then she shouted out to me, ‘Where’s the other one?’, meaning Paul O’Grady, who lives in the same village.

Quite rude, I thought. Probably from Ashford.

Julian Clary will perform at the Wyvern Theatre on May 19. To book visit swindontheatres.co.uk or call 01793 524481.