Cycle of one night sex

After my divorce three years ago, I thought my world had crumbled. My husband left me for a woman I’d regarded as a close friend for many years and it took me a long time to get over that pain.

I did eventually start going out with other people again, but that invariably means one-night stands. I’m not particularly proud of the fact I’ve slept with most of these men as it just seemed easier to say ‘yes’ than to resist.

I feel like I’m being used when all I want is a warm, loving relationship. Is that too much to ask? M. F.

Fiona says: After a long-term relationship or marriage has ended painfully, it can feel easier to embark on short-term affairs that require no commitment.

It’s a bit like comfort-eating, nice while it lasts, but not really very good for you and ultimately, unfulfilling.

It’s not too much to expect a close, loving relationship, but you may be going about it the wrong way. Try giving yourself a bit more time to get to know a man before saying ‘yes’ and that way you can more accurately assess what someone’s intentions are.

Mum wants grandkids

My mum is really keen for me to have children even though I am not in any form of relationship. She seems to want a litter of grandchildren to spoil and takes every opportunity to drop very unsubtle hints.

I’ve not found anyone I want to settle down with and although I may want to one day, I’m pretty sure I don’t ever want children. I’m far too selfish to want to be a parent!

I’ve tried talking to my dad, but he says mum’s only teasing. The pressure is getting me down though and, much as I love my mum, I’m afraid I may snap. D. B.

Fiona says: If your mum doesn’t realise how much her teasing is upsetting you, it may have just become a bit of a family joke for her.

Sit her down and tell her, calmly and clearly, that you are serious about not wanting children. I imagine she may well be upset, and rejecting the idea of being a parent may, to her, sound like you are rejecting what she has done, so tread carefully, but stick to your guns.