My mouth opened and nothing would come out... My body wouldn’t let me speak

DELVING straight into the whirlwind of the last few months, which saw him face selective mutism head on to record his debut album, Nathan Carpenter is simply unrecognisable.

Speaking fluently and with surprising ease, it is hard to match up the 18-year-old chattering on at a mile a minute with the timid teenager of two years ago; chin down, quietly nodding along, only too glad for his father to act as his mouthpiece.

And yet, after a wrangle with the condition which condemned him to silence for more than a decade, the singer has reclaimed his voice at last - and there is no hushing him now.

“When I got in the recording studio it just disappeared,” he recalls with a grin. “I struggled a little at the beginning, but then everything just seemed to go away. Something just clicked. It had never happened like that before.”

It is difficult, he goes on, to describe the true magnitude of finally being able to communicate without stumbling on every last word.

Although the process of releasing his first album, 10:2 Midnight, over the past 12 months, has no doubt been instrumental to unlocking his voice, his transformation from a withdrawn boy to a voluble and confident singer-songwriter has been a very long time coming.

In fact, it has taken him nearly 14 years to work up the nerve to face his social anxiety and will his vocal chords to yield the briefest of sentences.

Nathan’s struggle began at nursery school. Usually a boisterous little boy, barely giving his parents a chance to get a word in edgeways, the three-year-old started to clam up from the moment he reached the school gate, head hung low on his chest. Try as he might, he could not utter a single word.

Baffled and increasingly concerned by his outward shyness, his parents eventually consulted a psychologist who diagnosed Nathan with selective mutism; an anxiety disorder that prevents children from speaking in certain social situations or in public. It finally put a name on his unexplained and sudden timidity. But beyond a booklet with basic information on the symptoms, they were left to cope with and navigate the unpredictable condition alone.

“It was really frustrating,” adds the New College student. “My mouth opened and nothing would come out. My body wouldn’t let me. It would stop me. So I just gave up.

“The worst part was that I couldn’t explain it. I knew selective mutism was caused by anxiety and stress. But I still felt in the dark. I didn’t know why I couldn’t speak to some people. It was harder with the teachers than the pupils. I couldn’t talk to them. I felt misunderstood by them. They were pushing me to talk. I felt under pressure. I couldn’t drink or eat in front of anyone. At home, with my family, I was fine, but I couldn’t speak past the school gate.”

He muddled along as best he could but it would take nearly six years for him to so much as address a teacher directly. Throughout some difficult years, during which he was relentlessly bullied, singing became Nathan’s escape, a way of cheating his mind into letting the words out.

In 2013, he took his courage with both hands and auditioned for amateur drama group Stage Struck. While the thought of striking up a conversation with a stranger was unimaginable, performing to a full auditorium could not have come more naturally.

“I just got an adrenaline rush on stage,” he says eagerly. “It was liberating, I could finally speak. That’s what I still get now. When I sing I get my voice out there; it’s like I’m a different character; I forget who I am. It’s strange, I could walk up on stage and talk to the audience or sing, but backstage I would struggle. Going to Stage Struck was the push I needed.”

Less than a year later, he entered a national open mic competition. Although he narrowly missed out on a spot in the final at the 02 Arena in London, he was eventually scouted - rather out of the blue - by a recording studio.

“After the competition in November 2014 I just went back to normal life,” he explains. “I kept waiting, hoping something would happen. And then I just had this email from River Studios in Southampton on Christmas Eve saying they wanted me to meet up with their general manager about their development programme,” he adds, shuffling excitedly in his seat. “I wasn’t sure they were actually real so I googled them, just to make sure. It was too good to be true but I said yes of course!”

As the January meeting with the team and the man who would become his producer neared though, he became gripped by fear his condition may hold him back at the eleventh hour. Although he “struggled to speak at first because of the pressure”, from the moment he hit the recording studio he felt a confidence and strength he had never experienced before. This newfound ease gave him the freedom to experiment with lyrics and musical genres - though his intimate album is steeped in classic rock.

10:2 Midnight was released on Amazon and the iTunes store in December. While the album is a remarkable achievement, he is keen to ensure it doesn’t fall into oblivion as a one-off vanity project. But he is fully aware that pushing his career to the next level will be no mean task with the shadow of selective mutism still rearing its head when he least expects it.

“I don’t want this to only be a hobby. I’m invested in this,” he says, quietly determined. “I hope eventually that selective mutism will go away or get to a point where it will just be hard with very small things like answering the phone. It will be hard to get to that point, but it’s easier every day. I’ve gone over that first hurdle – I did it when people told me I couldn’t. All I know is that I couldn’t live without singing now.”

Factfile

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that prevents children speaking in certain social situations, such as school lessons or in public.

However, they're able to speak freely to close family and friends when nobody else is listening – for example, when they're at home.

The child is not refusing to speak but is literally unable to speak, feeling frozen.

Selective mutism affects one in 150 children.

It is more common in girls and children of ethnic minority populations, or in those who have recently migrated from their country of birth.

Children with SM often have other fears and social anxieties and may have additional speech and language difficulties.

It's not always clear what causes some children to develop SM, although it is known to be associated with anxiety.

With diagnosis at a young age and appropriate management, children can successfully overcome this disorder.

REVIEW by Flicky Harrison

10:2 Midnight by Nathan J Carpenter

This debut album from Swindon's own Nathan J Carpenter is country in texture, singer/songwriter in substance with gold threads of rock weaved into its fabric.

Waves of electric guitar sweep across the stripped down voice and piano in the opening track, On This Lonely Road. The song is front-porch blues with a Nathan twist.

Next up comes Life which has more of a Vaccines or Blossoms' rock-pop style. This one, for me, is undoubtedly chart material with the mix of Nathan's clean vocals and bass beat screaming for the 'hands in the air sway,' but DJs beware the abrupt ending.

Relationships in all their different guises are the theme of this CD, exploring heartbreak, loss, new love and the one that got away. The Call That Never Comes is an orchestral anthem, powerful strings that pluck at your heart, while So Blind is a totally different sound, a lighter more dance pop, with a hurricane guitar solo that rocks more than the boat.

Remember The Day lives up to its name, reminiscing and taking a wistful look back at past love.

Break In Two is the sad song of love lost, while Left Our Love In The Rain is a more raspy, grainy rock number, again with delicious growling guitar that makes the spine tingle.

An accomplished eight track album which highlights Nathan's captivating vocals, and considering he struggled with selective mutism as a youngster it is no mean achievement.