I can't forgive affair

THREE months ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair. He has said he’s sorry and that he wants to stay with me, but I still feel so hurt. Some days I just can’t stop crying.

My husband can’t understand why I feel so upset because, as far as he’s concerned, the matter is closed.

He says he’s proved he still loves me by staying with me, and can’t see why I should still be upset.

How can he be so unfeeling? - TG

Fiona says: If he thinks a hurt like this can be forgiven with a simple apology, he’s either very naive or very stupid.

You’ve been badly hurt and unless he recognises and acknowledges this, there is little chance for an improvement in your relationship.

Trust needs to be put back into your marriage and, to do this, you both need to talk, and he needs to hear what you have to say.

I suspect he is not the kind of man who likes talking about his feelings, but if your marriage is to stand a chance, he is going to have to.

How do I brush him off?

A FEW months ago, I came back from a dream cruise. It was everything I hoped for - including a ship-board romance!

He was a charming single man and we spent most of our days and nights together, and I must say that sex was high on the agenda. He pretty much let me pay for everything when we went ashore, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to spoil the holiday.

When we parted, I knew it was just a ship-board romance but, he doesn’t. He hasn’t stopped calling me and telling me he loves me, but the last thing I want is another relationship.

My daughter says I should just tell him to get lost and thinks he’s after me for my money. What do I do? - TP

Fiona says: Telling him to get lost seems a little harsh and there are many ways to say “no” that are less hurtful. Perhaps your daughter is right, or perhaps he wanted more than a casual holiday romance.

Either way, if he’s not for you and you don’t wish to see him again, explain that, although you enjoyed his company on holiday, you do not want a relationship.