MY dad was an alcoholic and abused me and my mum for many years before they split up.

 

I was 15 at the time and took it hard because I didn’t really understand, so, when I was 18, I contacted my father again.

He was even worse than before as, apart from the alcohol, he was into drugs as well.

My mother felt betrayed by my seeing him and kicked me out of the family home, and, for about seven months, I supported myself by doing some pretty awful things.

I was shoplifting and sold myself too but, eventually I found a job looking after a disabled friend, and four years on, I now have a job and my mother and I have made up.

I’ve been to college and got some qualifications, but I’d really like to meet a nice guy, settle down and have kids. The thing is, I’m terrified of anyone finding out about my past, so I’m very miserable. - LD

Fiona says: I don’t think you see yourself as I, and I’m sure other people, do.

You’re a forgiving person for trying to re-establish a relationship with someone who abused you, when he should have protected and cared for you.

You’re a caring person for continuing to spend your time looking after a disabled friend. An intelligent person for pulling yourself out of crime and prostitution, and going on to find yourself both a home and qualifications. A brave person for facing a horrendous past and trying to work your way through it.

In fact, you’re the sort of person people would, and should, be proud to know, to count as a friend and even come to love. I wonder if you’ve ever thought about yourself like that?

You’ve achieved a lot and can go on to do all the other things you want if you’d just had more faith in yourself. Even if people do find out about your past, the way you live now shows you’ve put it behind you.

My brother just won't respond

FOR 12 years, until just before she died, I looked after my mother. I didn’t begrudge this at all as I’m divorced with no children to worry about.

Unfortunately, just as she started to go downhill, I was diagnosed with cancer and became very ill myself, so she went to live with my brother and his wife where she died, two months later.

Since the funeral, my brother hasn’t spoken to me or anyone else in the family. I’ve tried calling and I’ve written him a couple of letters, but haven’t received a reply. -DB

Fiona says: It’s possible that coping with a death has shocked him to the core, especially if he’s never had to cope with looking after someone before. Grief affects people in different ways.

As you have cancer too, it might be he’s simply too afraid of losing you as well. Keep contacting him, by phone, email, letter or however, to let him know that you, and the rest of the family, are concerned for him and want to be back in touch as soon as he feels ready.