ALMOST a quarter of people in the south west are dissatisfied with their sex life and over a third have experienced a sexual problem, according to new figures from Relate Gloucestershire and Swindon.

The same study found that just under a fifth of people living in the south west said that low libido or differing sex drives is placing a strain on their relationship.

The figures are taken from a report by Relate and Relationships Scotland, Let’s Talk About Sex. The UK wide study included more than 5,000 respondents with just under 500 from the south west.

With sexual satisfaction strongly linked to overall relationship quality and health and wellbeing, Relate Gloucestershire and Swindon is encouraging people in the south west to talk more openly about sex and to seek support early on if they are unhappy with their sex life.

Relate sex therapist Peter Saddington said: “It’s a shame so many people are dissatisfied with their sex life, particularly as this can have a knock-on effect on relationships and overall wellbeing.

“Part of the problem here is that many couples find talking about sex awkward so instead of bringing up any issues and tackling them, they suffer in silence.

“If you’re experiencing a sexual problem of any kind or aren’t feeling happy with your sex life, we’d also encourage you to get in touch with Relate at the earliest possible stage. Sex Therapy can help you to work out what’s causing the problem and improve communication and intimacy so that you can enjoy a healthy sex life again. Your sex life is important to your happiness so it’s worth paying attention to.”

The report also found that affairs may not be as clear cut as people believe. While there seemed a majority consensus that having sex with someone else would be considered as infidelity (93% of the sample) and a high percentage of the sample considered a passionate kiss (86%) or sending explicit messages, videos or phone calls to someone else (84%) as cheating; the decision on what else would be considered as cheating was divided. For example; a third (31%) decided that flirting wasn’t cheating while 55% said that it was, 23% thought that going to a strip club or watching a strip show was cheating (although 62% disagreed), and for 16% of people, watching pornography alone without your partner is also a form of infidelity.

Kimberley Wall, Service Development Manager from Relate Gloucestershire and Swindon believes it is important that people take notice of these results and says “these report findings signify that what constitutes as ‘cheating’ might vary from person to person and while it may seem unattractive to have a definite discussion of what each partner believes would be a deal breaker in their relationship, it is worth drawing the line before someone accidently crosses it.

“As with the topic of infidelity or with sexual satisfaction, we regularly hear at Relate that miscommunication could actually be the cause of the problem so even presenting your partner with these statistics and discussing them between you, may open the doors to a conversation that may previously have seemed difficult to approach yet the outcome could save you both future hurt or discontent”.

Relate Gloucestershire and Swindon’s tips for talking to your partner about sex

• Don’t feel you should be able to understand all of each other’s sexual needs without communicating them. Everyone is different and we aren’t mind readers.

• Get into the habit of having regular chats about how your sex life is going. Consider scheduling in a time for them.

• Pick the right time and place. It’s best to start conversations about sex when you’re both relaxed and without any distractions. Avoid initiating a conversation about sex after or during an argument.

• Don’t worry if you aren’t used to talking about sex. It’s possible to learn how to. It may feel strange at first but soon it’ll be second nature.

• Be honest. If you’re finding it awkward talking to your partner about sex, tell them just that. It’s likely they are feeling the same way.

• Talk openly but sensitively. Saying “I hate it when you touch me like that” may be hurtful so instead why not say “I’d really like it if you tried touching me like this.”

• If you’re still finding things difficult, do consider Sex Therapy. Sex Therapists are non-judgmental and provide a safe environment to discuss sex in.

Relate Gloucestershire and Swindon provides sex therapy services for both individuals and couples. Call 01242 523215 or 01793 495190.