THE ever-excellent Swindon and Cricklade Railway is recruiting a Father Christmas for its Santa Specials.

Getting on with people, especially children, and a flair for amateur dramatics are among the qualities needed.

That and cheeriness in the ho-ho-ho department, of course.

No doubt the successful candidate will reflect the values, efficiency, nostalgic interest and sheer fun which are part and parcel of the Swindon and Cricklade Railway Experience.

On that note, it’s probably best if certain mainline franchise holders don’t bother so much as dabbling in the Santa business.

Imagine the tears and disappointment when the inevitable announcement had to be made.

“We are sorry but Father Christmas will not be appearing today due to a reindeer breaking down outside Didcot. Or possibly some engineering work in the sky. Or something.

“Although the jolly old gentleman with the white beard had hoped to be distributing presents among boys and girls throughout December, we now anticipate that he will not be able to commence deliveries until March.

“We would like to point out that this does not make deliveries late, as according to official guidelines, gifts are not counted as late if they arrive before June. “A substitute bus service will be available to those wishing to collect their presents from the workshop in person.

“As we’re in the midst of rationalisation, there are fewer elves than usual, so we ask that customers are patient.”

Bullyboy tactics won’t wash here

I THINK we all owe a debt of gratitude to a gentleman by the name of Anthony Crean QC.

Mr Crean, as you may be aware, was the barrister who represented a company called Royston Kilbride, which wants to build a recycling centre near South Marston, at a recent planning meeting.

It’s a type of plant which uses high temperatures to convert garbage into gas. The proposal, which would involve the building of a 170ft chimney, has been greeted with widespread local horror.

People have voiced fears about, among other things, air quality, potential health issues, the potential fire risk and the sheer awfulness of having a dirty great gas-belching chimney looming over the area.

Councillors, acting on and advice of planning officials, unanimously booted out the application, which brings me back to Mr Crean.

At one point during the meeting, he said: “The last thing I want to do is return with an appeal, and put the council through a mincer, but I will do.”

Talking of an appeal, he also said: “I have no doubt that the Secretary of State will back the appeal, and make the council pay the costs of the appeal.

“There is only one person in this room who will benefit from the rejection of the application and that is me.”

Some people have expressed anger at what they see as a blatant threat to drag a cash-strapped local authority, which has difficulty providing basic services to vulnerable people, through an expensive legal process.

I, however, think we should be grateful to Mr Crean.

He has reminded us that the whole of our planning process needs to be completely overhauled so that no company will ever again be able to make such a threat.

Once a planning application of this nature is rejected, it should be up to the applicant either to pay every penny of an appeal or else sling their hook.

Better yet, why not change the rules so organisations such as Royston Kilbride have no recourse to somebody in Whitehall when a local council gives your plan the heave-ho? The message sent to Royston Kilbride at the meeting, which was attended by 100 members of the public, was clear.

This community does not want your gasification plant. Its planning officials do not want your gasification plant. Its democratically-elected representatives do not want your gasification plant.

Take it somewhere else.

Maybe a quiet corner in the midst of some Inns of Court in London could be found. We don’t much care. Go away.

Beware the no-win-no-fee gang

I SEE the council has been in touch with the borough’s various parishes to float the idea of not gritting more than 120 smaller roads come winter.

Once again, a money-saving idea of the council’s has no flaws whatsoever.

After all, it’s not as if people actually drive on smaller roads or cross them, so there’s absolutely no danger of cars barrelling into other cars, buildings, road signs or human beings.

Presumably the local authority, which admittedly isn’t exactly rammed to the rafters with spare cash at the moment, thinks it can save money with this wheeze.

It should think again, or come the first snowfall the skies will darken and the air will be thick with the beating of leathery, tattered wings.

Terrified citizens will look up in horror and disgust as a legion of no-win-no-fee lawyers, roused from their vile roosts by the scent of cash, converge on Swindon.

The council has two options – either invest in stakes and garlic or invest in some common sense.