MOVE over Dyson, sling your hook Roomba - there’s a new hoover in town.

I say town. I mean space. Yep, the Space Hoover.

I say hoover. I mean big old space ship with a fishing net and a harpoon, built in Surrey, and bound for the Final Frontier.

The RemoveDebris spacecraft is set for launch early next year when it is going to try to capture a long lost satellite and stab other bits of junk with a harpoon. Think of a litter picker with one of those long grabby sticks except on a souped up mega-scale.

Really we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Apparently there are about half a million bits of rubbish floating about in space, from old satellites to at least one wrench, a toothbrush and a glove.

I can’t believe astronauts don’t wear idiot gloves, with strings going up the sleeves of their space suits. They should let their mothers dress them before take off, then they’d be certain of coming home with a pair of gloves.

These pieces of debris are estimated to have a combined weight of about 7,500 tonnes.

Apparently last year, a fleck of paint floating in the atmosphere cracked a window of the International Space Station.

So not only are we destroying our planet with rubbish, we’re also having a go at the universe at large.

I’ve had a bit of a bee in my bonnet recently about plastic straws - totally unnecessary (it’s possible to drink using just your mouth) and lethal to sea creatures. Too small and made of a plastic which is too low grade, they can’t be recycled. So our beautiful sea life is suffering.

It’s just a drop in the ocean compared with the larger issue of plastics but I like to think every bit helps. Ditch the straws.

But back to space, I don’t envy the job of having to give it a bit of a spring clean.

A close inspection of my floor would reveal various bits of fluff, the odd crunchy speck which began life as dog kibble before being rejected and flung across the kitchen floor, a few beads which were mysteriously spilled and probably other microscopic nasties I don’t even want to think about. And I hoover on a regular basis.

Meanwhile space hasn’t had a proper clean-up before and I can’t help wondering what curiosities they will find.

Personally, I think they’re going to discover a whole load of odd socks. After all, I live on my own and have access to my own private washing machine and sock drawer. The socks have no logical escape route. And I never come home to find I’ve got one bare foot.

So why is it I always end up the proud owner of a lot of individual socks who have lost their partners?

I hope RemoveDebris successfully cleans up the universe and returns that missing glove to that hapless astronaut.

And please bring back my socks.

Medic’s music deserves success

GOOD luck to Dr Bill MCrea and his fellow songsters at the GWH.

The consultant cardiologist has again put out a festive single in the hope of reaching the number one spot in the Christmas charts.

He is doing it to raise money for Brighter Futures, the campaign to raise £2.9m to build a radiotherapy unit in Swindon so people with cancer no longer have to endure the trip to Oxford for treatment.

We should all go out and buy his record immediately and help him top the charts. Just imagine the publicity our much-needed radiotherapy unit would get if the song got to number one, not to mention the financial boost to the campaign. Come on - it’s Christmas. Let’s give this town something it really wants this year.

The song is called Christmas Night (Tryin’ to Get Home) and is available to download from Amazon and iTunes. You can buy a hard copy at Holmes Music in Faringdon Road and in the Amigo shop in the hospital’s main entrance.

  • DIVORCE lawyer Bryan Scant makes a very good point when he says our divorce laws need to be modernised so warring couples no longer need to play the blame game.

At the moment, to get a divorce on anything like a swift basis, a married person has to prove their partner is guilty of something, such as unreasonable behaviour.

I’m sure most divorcing couples think their spouse has been unreasonable in some way, shape or form.

But is it really necessary to share your gripes with a very expensive lawyer?

I know marriage is supposed to be for life, but times have changed and these days for many people that simply isn’t true.

And if both parties agree the marriage is dead in the water, let them move on with at least a little dignity and respect intact. Especially if children are involved.