HOW are your New Year’s Resolutions going?

I’m proud to report that I haven’t broken any of mine yet.

I have resolved, for example, not to overindulge.

I shall say no to the odd cake now and again. Or giant family-sized bag of crisps, entire plate of sausage rolls, novelty yard-long packet of Jaffa Cakes and so on.

I shall remember at all times that having random bits of exercise equipment in the spare bedroom, partially buried beneath old books and some boxes of Christmas decorations I never got around to stuffing back up the loft hatch, is not the same as actually exercising.

I shall remember that if the only things to have regularly sat on my rowing machine or used the weights in the last two years are spiders, my health is not improving.

I have resolved to lay hold of a stout stick or similar weapon, enter the spare room fearlessly, deal with whatever heavily-muscled race of steroidal super-arachnids has sprung up there and reclaim what is mine.

I have resolved to travel home from the pub on foot or by taxi, like normal people. I shall no longer use the mysterious form of transport which appears some time after the ninth drink, takes me to my house and leaves me, fully dressed, on the living room floor with no memory of the journey and the batter from a haddock stuck to my face.

I shall remember that there is an age beyond which hangovers last two days, and that I passed that little threshold two or three Prime Ministers ago.

Speaking of politics, I have resolved, as ever, to be more sympathetic and tolerant toward those who hold important positions in society, irrespective of their ideologies and foibles.

Whenever a new slew of those grubby, horrible foibles is revealed to a horrified and disgusted public, I shall remind myself that the guilty parties are a tiny minority.

And that those who turn a blind eye to such conduct, or tacitly condone it, or make excuses for it, or fail to condemn it, or fail to shun the wrongdoers are also a tiny minority.

I shall not dwell on the fact that in every workplace I’ve ever inhabited, anybody guilty of such behaviour would be hoofed out without so much as a chance to offer an excuse. Or that in a normal workplace any disciplinary inquiry would take days at most, and certainly not so long that by the time it was over the memory of the disgraceful conduct had faded.

I have resolved that when one of the great and the good proclaims that their vile behaviour reflected the different morals of 10 or 15 years ago, I shall not do any mental arithmetic.

I shall not cast my mind back to, say, 2008 or 2003 or even 1995 and think: “Hang on – doing such things was as creepy and revolting as hell back then, too.”

Should some terrorist outrage occur, and it turns out that some or all of the persons responsible were not only on the radar of the security services but had even appeared on the telly and said terrorism was great, I shall not condemn our security services.

I have resolved to remember that MI6, GCHQ and whatnot are very busy at the moment. They must contend not just with the terrorist threat but also with even more important matters such as monitoring the social media activity of people who protest about things like global warming and new housing developments.

In local matters, I have resolved to take a positive approach at all times. I shall turn that frown upside-down. I shall adjust my attitude.

When some shiny new building, set of them or other great thing is announced, I shall take the announcement at face value.

I shall look to the glorious future and believe in it. I shall not hark back to the past and conclude that, at the very best, we’ll get a car park and perhaps a new public lavvy.

Irrespective of the weight of precedent, I shall believe that this time – this time – a good thing will happen.

My role model shall be Charlie Brown in the old Peanuts strips, specifically the strips in which he believed Lucy would hold the football for him to kick, even though she always snatched it away at the last minute and he fell over.

Incidentally, should any local elected body decide to increase members’ allowances, even if they are simultaneously shedding vital personnel as cheerily as a wedding guest chucks confetti, I shall remember that they are the best of the best.

I have resolved to believe official pronouncements that we have never been safer from crime and anti-social behaviour. All those burglaries, assaults and so on are media hype and mass hysteria.

Above all, I have resolved to remember that whatever happens, the one solid truth we have is that the good people outnumber the bad.

I’ll try to keep that resolution even if the rest have gone for a ball of chalk by February.