Fertility coach and relationship counsellor Linda Clarke talks to SARAH SINGLETON about a new support group

THE impact of infertility can be devastating, and many couples are left feeling isolated and hopeless, according to therapist Linda Clarke.

She wants to set up an infertility support group in Swindon – and says her own problems with fertility give her an insight into just how difficult the experience can be. Linda struggled to conceive for years and suffered a miscarriage – though she did go on to have children.

“There is a huge lack of awareness and understanding of the emotional impact by anyone who hasn’t been through it, and the only people who can truly empathise are those who have experienced the struggle themselves,” Linda said.

“The desire to have children is an innate biological drive and people being told that they are ‘infertile’ will most certainly affect they way they feel about themselves and may make them question their value and worth.

“The pressures of trying to conceive may affect a couple’s relationship, emotionally and sexually. They may even withdraw from friends who are pregnant or have a baby, which reduces their social network at a time then they most need the support of friends.

“In many cases, family members are insensitive or are adding to the pressure of trying to conceive.”

Linda, 66, moved to Swindon last year, after 33 years living in South Africa. She is a fertility coach, a master hypnotist, as well as a relationship counsellor and life coach. Born in Essex, she attended a secondary modern school and left at 15, when she went to London for work. She married aged 19, and moved to Manchester, when husband Graham Clarke was studying at Salford University.

“We tried to conceive for four years,” Linda recalled. “Then when I did conceive, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.”

She said: “Back then there was no counselling offered, no nothing. It was an awful feeling – after 40 years I can still remember coming home and feeling so empty. I felt my body had betrayed me.”

It took 12 months for Linda to conceive again, and this second time when she was at risk of miscarrying, Linda went to bed and rested.

“I started spotting, and there was that fear it would happen again. I went straight to bed, and I didn’t move for two days and it stopped. I was hyper alert to every twinge. I was starting to feel guilty for depriving my husband of a child – but the pregnancy went well and I had a healthy son,” she said.

She had a second son three years later, then a daughter six years after that – but the experience of struggling with fertility and the miscarriage inform her wish to support others going through a similar situation.

“People are often really private about having fertility problems and they haven’t told anyone else about the issue. When they attend a support group they may, for the first time ever, find themselves in a room full of people who all know how it feels, not to be able to get pregnant, who all understand the mixed emotions when a friend announces she is expecting a baby, who all dread those questions about when they are going to get round to starting a family,” Linda said.

Linda and her family moved to South Africa in 1983, where Graham started an engineering company. When her youngest child was a teenager, Linda started studying.

“I love people and I’m passionate about helping people,” she said. “I was always fascinated by what made people tick. I joined Lifeline as a volunteer – similar to the Samaritans here.”

After working as a volunteer counsellor, doing face to face and telephone counselling and training new counsellors, she studied hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming and coaching. She had a practice in Johannesburg for 12 years, and taught mindfulness, as well as volunteering at a rehabilitation centre for addicts.

She and her husband moved to Swindon in August last year, and Linda is setting up a new practice as a therapist at the Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre in Bath Road.

The infertility support group, however, is a free event where people can share experiences and give mutual support. It is open to anyone who is involuntarily childless, and the first meeting will take place on Thursday, February 22, and monthly thereafter.

She said that around one in six couples in the UK were having problems conceiving – and that many women dealing with infertility reported feeling suicidal at some point. “It can affect every aspect of a person’s life, from their relationship with their partner, family and friends, to their career,” she said.

Funding for IVF treatment was variable around the country and often couples borrowed huge sums of money to pay for private treatment – causing financial pressure which led to further stress, Linda explained.

“A support group provides an environment of safety and acceptance where individuals can learn skills and resources to empower themselves, share their experiences, discuss advice they have been given, and even sometimes laugh at some of the things that have happened to them along the way,” she said.

Linda is keen for this to be led by those who join the group, so the initial meeting will be a chance to find out what is needed.

“It will be an open group, but I want to stress that there will be no pressure on anyone to share or say anything, unless they want to. It will be a place of safety.”

The meeting will take place at 7.30pm, the Meadowcroft Community Centre, in Addison Crescent, Upper Stratton and is open to couples and individuals, wherever they are on their journey with infertility. Please contact Linda on 07708 961073 or email linda@lindaclarke.co.uk to book a place and for future dates and location.