WHY WON'T MY DIVORCED BOYFRIEND GET MARRIED TO ME?

My boyfriend of four years got divorced last year and I was delighted because I thought it would mean that he would propose to me. However, since the divorce, he has avoided the issue completely and, if I try to talk about it, he changes the subject.

I am also worried that he has started seeing someone else, as he's out of the house more than usual, but he says it's only an occasional night out and that it doesn't mean anything. When I pointed out that I am the girlfriend expecting to marry him, he simply said that, although he wants to stay with me, we aren't married yet.

Why can't he make a commitment to me?

H. T.

FIONA SAYS: He wasn't faithful to his wife while seeing you for four years, so what makes you think he will stay faithful to you now? Indeed, nothing you have said about this man suggests to me that he is remotely capable of holding down a responsible, loving relationship.

His behaviour is immature and disrespectful, and I see little chance of that changing. I don't mean to hurt you by saying these things, but I merely want to point out that, if you want to avoid any further pain, it might be best to walk away from this man now.

MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW IS TOO CONTROLLING

At first my future son-in-law seemed like a lovely man; he looked after my daughter well and whenever he visited us, he was kind and likeable. However, since my daughter moved in with him a few months ago, he has turned into a monster.

He is incredibly jealous and insists on knowing where she is at every moment of the day. My daughter is really upset by this and has become so frightened of doing anything, that she rarely goes out unless he is with her.

If she does go out, she can expect an interrogation when she gets back. She's lost contact with nearly all of her friends, who have been driven away by his behaviour. I'm really worried about her, but when I suggest that she leaves him, she says that she still loves him. What can I do?

G. N.

FIONA SAYS: You are right to be concerned because this type of jealous, possessive behaviour is often ingrained and hard to change, and it can also lead to violence. However, you need to be cautious about interfering too soon.

If you apply too much pressure on your daughter, you risk pushing her even further away. As she still loves him, it would be better to let them work towards their own solution, because it's possible he's just really insecure, for some reason.

Let her know you love her and are there for her, then make sure she knows where to go for help if she needs it. Contacting a Relate counsellor is a good place to start but, if things take a turn for the worse, she should know how to get help to get away. Refuge (refuge.org.uk) is an organisation that provides advice, information and a safe place to stay for women affected by all forms of abuse, including emotional abuse.

Readers in Scotland can contact Relationships Scotland and Scottish Womens Aid (womensaid.scot).

If you have a problem and you'd like Fiona's advice, email help@askfiona.net