Everybody knows what it’s like to have a hangover in the workplace

He wants volunteers aged between 18 and 30 to take part in the study, which involves answering online questionnaires, and even offers modest expenses.

I’m a bit too old to take part - alright, a lot too old - but I’m happy to offer some insights.

Fear and paranoia are two of the main emotions - if they count as emotions - the hangover sufferer has to address.

The morning after they have the bright idea of getting thoroughly hammered on a school night, they experience a vague sense of unease on awakening.

“Oh well,” they think as they lie in their bed, “I survived. A slight headache and a bit of gastric discomfort, perhaps, but I’m feeling better than I expected.”

Then they get out of bed, nearly fall on the floor - and that’s when the fear and paranoia set in.

No matter how long a shower they take, or how much deodorant, perfume or aftershave they spray, they keep catching stray whiffs of booze about themselves.

No matter how carefully they go through their personal grooming routine, when they gaze into the mirror they see the bloated face of excess staring back at them.

They briefly wonder whether they can pass for un-hungover at their workplace and then dismiss the notion.

“Who am I kidding?” they think to themselves. “I might as well phone the boss, quit my job, buy a couple of three-litre bottles of rotgut cider and wander around haranguing random passers-by. It won’t be so bad after a while.”

If the hungover folk don’t happen to be on an early shift, and are at home long enough to catch that morning TV programme in which people scream abuse at each other over DNA tests or whatnot, they think miserably to themselves: “My god, these are my people. I am them and they are me.

“The phenomenon which will one day be referred to by evolutionary scientists as the Great Division is upon us, and I am on the side which will evolve into creatures looking like those things in the caves in HG Wells’ The Time Machine.”

Should the hungover person actually make it into work, their ordeal is not over.

Indeed, their paranoia intensifies. “Is there a slur in my voice?” they think to themselves.

“I bet there is. I bet there is and everybody’s noticed, including the boss.

“The boss is probably on the phone to the regional manager right now, saying I’m a tragic case and somebody should have a look in my Thermos flask in case I’m filling it with vodka every morning.

“I might as well do just that and have done with it.”

Other common emotions among those who find themselves hungover in the workplace include irrational grumpiness and equally irrational good humour.

“There’s a bloke here studying the effects of hangovers in the workplace,” we might snarl to ourselves while reading the morning paper.

“Everybody knows what it’s like to have a hangover in the workplace, so what’s the point of that?”

Then we might read a little further.

“What’s this? He’s offering a modest payment for participants’ time and travel expenses?

“Perhaps I was too hasty and should recognise that scientific research into unknown fields is always valid and valuable.

“Yes, that’s it, I’ll...

“Hang on. ‘Only those aged 18 to 30 need apply.’

“Ah, to hell with it. Anybody fancy a swift one at lunchtime?”