A LITTLE more than a week ago, households throughout our communities rang with our good wishes to one another for a merry Christmas.

These wishes were accompanied by the cheery sounds of wrapping paper being torn asunder, childish laughter and perhaps the odd enticing Christmas morning Buck's Fizz being poured.

A week later, a spirit of good will still envelop us all, but the script was slightly different, incorporating sincere wishes from us to our friends, our loved ones and sometimes even to complete strangers that they should have a peaceful, happy and prosperous New Year.

Now, with the postal service returning to normal and doormats resounding to the cheery thump of bank and credit card statements, we can all look forward to hearing and uttering some other special phrases that are as much a part of this time of year as the last of the turkey leftovers and stepping on stray pine needles in the living room.

Phrases such as: "There's no way we spent two grand on booze!"

And: "There's nothing else for it - the kids' bikes'll have to go back. They can walk."

And not forgetting the ever popular: "What's the point in having a resolution to give up smoking when I'm going to die in a debtors' prison anyway? Where's me fags? Have you got me fags? Give! Me! A! Fag! Now!"

However, do not despair. There are plenty of things you can do in order to minimise the impact of the traditional January shortfall in your personal finances.

Moving house and not telling anybody was always a favourite of mine, and it's still a great trick if you can get away with it. Generally speaking, it's easiest if you're a single person, as the bus fare is smaller and you can fit just about everything you'll need in a single suitcase.

Don't bother changing your identity: when the creditors catch up, claim you've been living at your new address for at least a decade and must have been the victim of identity theft by somebody who also happened to look a lot like you.

If a moonlight flit is not an option, I hope you've yet to do your post-festive tidying up. If you have any old wrapping paper lying around, it'll come in very handy for stuffing your clothes to make an extra layer when the gas and electric are cut off. Doing so really keeps in the heat, as millions of tramps will tell you. Festive designs rubbing off all over your body can be a bit of a downer, though.

You could also try boiling up the remnants of the turkey and bits of the Christmas tree over a camping stove. This will ensure that you'll never have another financial worry in your life, as your life will last for about as long as it takes to digest the meal.

If you have pets, and especially big pets such as Great Danes and goats, you won't have any problems in securing nourishment for yourself and your family throughout January.

Your pets won't be happy, though. When you put them on half rations so you can nick some of their food, I mean.

What did you think I meant?

4:32pm Wednesday 2nd January 2008

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