I AM a calm and balanced human being - stress has no place in my life.

I radiate only positive energy - nothing will penetrate my bubble of inner peace.

Worry and panic are alien emotions to me - and if I keep saying this over and over, it might just become true.

Mother's Day came and went with the customary bunch of carnations and a Kylie CD from the bargain bin (price still intact), but I didn't mind a bit. The very next day I'd booked myself into a day spa for all the me-time a mum could want.

As I eased myself into a salt pool for an hour's floatation, I could feel the world of packed lunches and lost PE kits drifting away. Later, in the steam room, I let the scents of ylang-ylang and jasmine fill up my senses, replacing the more familiar odour of teenage boy.

By the end of the day, as the therapist pummelled at my back, it was like she had kneaded away the old, stressed-out me. In her place was in a newer, brighter mum - one who could cope with anything.

I drove home determined not to let the daily grind wear me down. I mean, how onerous can it be bringing up two boys, holding down a job and running a home?

And so I wasn't fazed at all to find that the dog had chewed up every letter the postman had put through the door that morning. So what if I had only half a bank statement and small corner of my new chequebook left?

C'est la vie.

And when my son showed me the knees of his school trousers - or rather where the knees used to be - I laughed at his carelessness. Never mind that it was the last pair without patches and that all the others were at the bottom of the laundry bin.

I could get them washed and sewn up by morning, no bother.

I admit I had a bit of a wobble when my elder son presented me with his ingredients list for home economics at 9pm. And then told me he needed it the next day. For goodness sake, where do you get chocolate chips and ground almonds at that time?

But then I remembered. I could always get up at 5am and nip off to Tesco. It would be fun.

In all, I coped admirably with what they threw at me. Things that would ordinarily have put me in a spin simply bounced off my bubble. If I believed in such nonsense, I'd say all my chakras were aligned. The kids would say I'd taken a chill pill.

And then I just like that - I found my elder son's school bag on the stairs and the bubble burst. Quite messily.

FIVE times I'd asked him to take it to his room, but even his BLATANT I-SREGARD for my request didn't faze me. I counted to 10, and I was calm. I was FINE, okay?

And then I stuck my hand inside to see if there was anything important in there - and pulled out a sticky, muddy pair of football boots, liberally coated in the pot of yogurt he obviously hadn't wanted for lunch. Arrgghhh!

Stuff the day spa, I think it's an asylum I need. Deep breaths now. Out with anger, in with love - out with anger, in with love -

4:11pm Thursday 3rd April 2008

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