"BE careful, they can break your arm".

That seems to be the sum of most people's knowledge when it comes to swans.

They can break bones. Or kill a dog.

Apart from that, people don't have a clue - especially how to catch one.

It had started off like any normal Thursday, and it was only when one member of staff came running into the newsroom babbling about a swan outside that things turned slightly surreal.

I gathered up my video equipment, pulled on my coat and headed outside, And there it was. A big swan. Sat on the floor. Not doing an awful lot.

It had attracted quite a crowd, and while it was mostly made up of adults, everyone seemed quite nervous.

Now I know swans have powerful wings (they can break an arm after all), but they can also give you a nasty nip with their beaks and have a habit of hissing at you if they are annoyed.

After about an hour it got bored of sitting in the road and decided to waddle towards the Adver car park.

Cue the arrival of the police who told us to shut the gates and keep it in the car park until someone arrived to capture it.

It was at about this point that everyone else swanned off (I refuse to apologise for the pun) and left me alone with the "killer" swan. I'd like to say it was like a showdown you'd see in the Wild West - only it stayed on one side of the car park and I was on the other.

You'll be glad to hear that this tale has a, relatively, happy ending. The nice people from Swan Rescue arrived, swept the bird up in their arms and tootled off into the sunset. The only problem was I didn't get it on film, and I wasn't sure if they'd be too pleased with me asking them to do it again. Oh well -

JOKE OF THE WEEK: An old woman goes into a pet shop and buys a parrot.

Unfortunately the parrot swears continuously, much to the shock of the little old lady.

One day she snaps, grabs it by the neck and tells it to shut up. The parrot goes mad and starts swearing more than ever. The woman starts to get angry and locks the parrot in a cupboard. It scratches and claws and makes a terrible din.

When she lets it out, the parrot comes out with a tirade of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.

By this time the woman is so mad that she chucks the bird into the fridge.

For a few moments there is a terrible din, followed by silence.

When she opens the door the parrot comes out all meek and mild apologising for it's bad behaviour.

The woman is astounded by the transformation. Then the parrot asks her "by the way, what did the chicken do?"

1:33pm Thursday 3rd April 2008

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