WE’RE in danger of having some good weather – maybe even a heat wave – if the Met Office is to be believed.

The council’s excellent public health team have issued reminders that we shouldn’t overdo the tanning, apply plenty of sunscreen and generally keep ourselves from overheating.

By the time you read this, of course, the good weather might have been and gone.

It might be already on its way to becoming the stuff of nostalgia. “Remember the summer of ’15,” we might be saying. “Phew, what a half-hour that was.”

On the off chance that summer isn’t over, everybody should heed the advice of the health experts.

I also have a few tips of my own, based on experience.

The most important is to remember that being hot doesn’t mean you’ll sweat alcohol out of your system before it takes effect.

If you are over the age of 30, getting completely bevvied on a school night will have the same effect on your balance, speech and thought processes during a hot evening in July as it does on a chilly one in November.

The only difference is that as you stagger home from the pub you may not have the cover of darkness – and normal people may be strolling with their families.

This can be especially distressing for all concerned if you decide to have a lie down on the pavement, are caught short or taken a bit poorly.

You may opt to reduce the risk of such embarrassment by drinking on your own premises, perhaps in the garden.

If you do so, bear in mind that it gets light at about 3.30 in the morning, and if the neighbours have their windows open they’ll be able to hear you snoring once you pass out on a lawn chair.

Avoid passing out by not drinking any more than you normally would if it were not a hot evening.

Above all, do not be tempted to try That Stuff in the back of the cupboard which you brought back from a holiday a few years ago.

Ever wonder why the place where they make That Stuff has a knackered economy and their buildings keep falling down?

Although alcohol cannot be sweated out before it takes effect, the odours of certain foods can.

Accordingly, if you’re tempted to eat a meal while sitting on any chair or sofa with a cloth surface, you might want to lay off the pungent ingredients. Otherwise it’ll be at least Halloween before anybody can sit on your soft furnishings without developing a weird craving for a takeaway.

Or wondering whether you’re having an affair with that person at work who regards deodorant as a crime against the environment.

If your furniture has a non absorbent surface such as leather or some form of plastic, place sheets of cloth over the bits likely to be in contact with flesh.

Popping these cloths in the wash is less trouble than having people stick to your chairs and flay themselves alive when they stand up.

Finally, do not purchase expensive items associated with hot climates, such as large fans and enormous inflatable pools, because the temperature is guaranteed to drop within a second of the cash register spitting out your receipt.

Having said that, you could always use the fan to blow away fallen leaves and invite children to skate in the inflatable pool.

Car parking decision is the right one

A BEMUSED driver called Gill Ackling has just had an £85 excess parking charge withdrawn after she made an evening visit to the Regent Circus development.

She paid to use the Morrisons car park during a restaurant visit and carefully topped up her parking as the evening progressed.

But, unfortunately, she failed to spot signs saying that anyone parking there was limited to staying for only three hours.

There are two points to be made here. 

The first is that Morrisons and its parking firm, Euro Car Parks, did well to cancel the ticket. 
Morrisons has the right to protect itself from freeloaders.

But Gill Ackling is anything but, and pressing ahead with penalising her for her night out would have been a PR disaster.

The second thing worth noting is that only statutory bodies have the right to issue fines. 

Something issued by the likes of Euro Car Parks might give the impression of being a fine, but it’s an invoice. 

It would have been interesting to hear in the civil court how an overstay in a car park supposedly cost the supermarket £85.

Gold standard in tackling brambles

RAMPAGING brambles have turned a public path in Haydon Wick into something resembling the cursed forest from Sleeping Beauty.

Residents, tired of getting their clothing and flesh caught on the vegetation, tried to trace the owners of the land with a view to somebody being sent in with a hedge trimmer.

Unfortunately, nobody in authority seemed overly anxious to take responsibility, as there was some confusion over ownership.

The residents, I fear, made a strategic error. If any other readers have a troublesome path they’d like cleared, they should learn from that error. 

What I suggest is that they club together with neighbours, buy an old gold sovereign or two from a bullion dealer, bury them somewhere along the path, immediately dig them up again, get in touch with the Adver and claim to have found buried treasure.

If they do that, I guarantee that the true owner will pop up as rapidly as a supercharged Jack in the Box.

Hardly a master criminal...

A MAN called Dariusz Koszynski has been jailed for possessing a gun with which he planned to confront his estranged wife.

Setting out for Swindon from his home in Poland, he made no attempt to hide the weapon — to strap it into a wheel arch, say, or place it in a false chamber in the fuel tank.

No, he simply popped it into the glove compartment and crossed several borders, including our own, without any problems.

That is all.