Well, so much time has passed since I made my New Year’s resolution I tend to wonder where am I now?

I will tell you where I am from my resolutions back in January, which I shared with the Adver readers.

After vowing to wear my jeans hanging low around my backside, I now find I have been offered jobs with many of the builders in the area because I look the part when I show the bits that define my trade!

The trouble is the holes in the knees of my jeans have enlarged somewhat to the point where two small bits of thread is all that separates my ankle from my groin area and the change in temperature causes some problems to areas that I blush to describe!

The old girlfriend’s name that I had by way of a tattoo above my groin has vanished amongst the saggy skin folds that appear with age! I have disposed of my shades due to breaking my nose after walking into a lamp post and my nose and tongue piercings have caused problems with the leaves blowing around as they do this time of year.

I get fed up having to cope with mouthfuls of leaves that get tangled in the piercings, not to mention the day I combed my moustache and got my tongue piercing tangled in my comb, so I had a smile six inches wide with a mouthful of thin black teeth that were covered in hair. I did however win first prize at a local tramps ball. Trouble is, I was only walking by and stood in the porch to shelter from the rain.

Well, so much for New Year resolutions. I have shaved off my designer stubble, bought some nice black trousers that fit well, a nice shirt, got rid of the piercings, bought a nice well fitting jacket and some really cool glasses.

The trouble is now I am so well turned out, people think I am a celebrity and very rich. Keeping tidy has its problems though. I was in the bathroom and my wife said, “Did you find the shampoo?” I said, “Yes, but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine!” Oh well, let’s see what 2015 brings.

Chris Gleed Proud Close Swindon