NOW I know what people say because they nearly always say it when I tell them I’m a journalist.

“You can’t trust what you read in the papers. They make half of it up, you know.”

Well, I can’t speak for the nationals, some of which have not exactly covered themselves in glory in recent years, what with the phone hacking scandal and the Hillsborough inquiry.

But local papers tend to be pretty straight-up honest.

For instance, we’re trained to write shorthand so we can take accurate notes of interviews, court proceedings and the like so if anyone ever queries the veracity of something, we’ve got the proof right there in black and white.

Journalists don’t get very far if they’re liars — because no one can trust them, from the readers right through to the editor.

Finding out the truth and telling it via the pages of the paper is our stock-in-trade. If we made all our stories up, no one would bother reading the Adver.

Similarly, if you were, say, a hairdresser who occasionally did a great job but now and then gave unsuspecting old ladies a mohican or sent people away with a completely lopsided do then you’d probably find your salon empty pretty soon.

Likewise, if you were a milkman who sometimes randomly dropped off bottles of lemonade on people’s doorsteps of a morning instead of the milk they were expecting, you might not be surprised to find your customer base shrinking rapidly.

So here’s the question: what is it politicians don’t get about this?

Councillor Dale Heenan, who this week resigned from his cabinet position at Swindon Borough Council over his non-payment of council tax and subsequent court case, isn’t the first to get the wrong end of the stick when it comes to ethics.

First of all he didn’t pay his council tax, generally considered to be a no-no. Secondly the case went as far as to end up in court. Also not good.

Thirdly, he didn’t have the courage or the grace to explain straight away to the people who voted for him that he was in such a situation and why. There may be a good reason for his non-payment (although I can’t think of one) but the public aren’t mind readers.

Fourthly, he reckoned it was a private issue. Such court proceedings are public and both the press and the public are allowed to attend and report on the matter.

Fifthly, he seems to be passing the blame for his downfall on people ‘playing politics’. Erm. Sorry but they weren’t the ones who didn’t pay their council tax and then tried to keep shtum about it.

Anyway, I thought it might be helpful to put together a few top tips for any politicians who may find themselves in hot water.

1. If you’re a politican, at local or national level, don’t break the law. This includes paying your taxes, not driving in the bus lane, shoplifting... you know, the law.

2. If you do break the law, resign immediately and take up charity work or undertake other good deeds by way of amends.

3. If you get caught breaking the law and haven’t yet resigned, thereby breaking rule 2, admit the truth immediately. Under no circumstances attempt to fudge the issue or hide the truth. Then implement rule 3.

4. If you have skipped rules 2 and 3 and remain in position despite having broken the law, you have clearly been doing a fair bit of fudging the truth, and the public, as soon as it finds out, will lose all respect for you. Your political career is over, for the short term at least. At this point, grovelling is your only option. Apologise profusely and don’t try to place the blame elsewhere or come up with silly excuses. Then implement rule 2.

As you can see, once a politician breaks the law or commits some other misdemeanour the only course of action is to own up, resign and apologise. Got it? Good.

Claim your reward here

LAST week I wrote about the poor excuses for human beings who kicked a hedgehog around a Swindon park and set fire to it, resulting in it having to be put down.

The next day in the office, my phone rang and it was one of our readers wanting to put up a £500 cash reward to anyone who gives information leading to the arrest and, one would hope, conviction of the culprits.

Our mysterious benefactor wouldn’t tell me his name but said he would keep his eye out for developments so he knew when to hand over the money.

Now I have no idea who he is or even if he’ll be true to his word but isn’t it tempting to find out?

Come on, one of you must know something. Get in touch with the RSPCA or the police and lets track down these vile creatures. You must just earn yourself a nice little bonus in the process.

... but not in fivers

SHOULD there be any animal lovers out there who have the information necessary to claim the award offered on the left, they probably won’t be wanting them in fivers.

That’s right — the Bank of England has fessed up that the new, plastic, can’t break it, can’t tear it, can’t get it wet and if you throw it carefully it returns like a boomerang fiver is not vegetarian.

You what? I know. It’s got tallow in it, which comes from animal fat — usually beef, Mr Google tells me.

In a time when we’re supposed to be avoiding animal fat it seems we’ll all be getting a lot more of it than we’re used to.

Still, I suppose our wallets is one thing we wouldn’t mind being fatter.