A FUNNY thing happened as I was typing away at my desk yesterday morning.

So engrossed was I in the Christmas TV guide I was working on (in your Adver this Saturday, folks — don’t miss it!) that I looked up to find I was halfway through a sandwich — only to see another half eaten sandwich on my desk which I’d clearly forgotten to finish moments earlier.

“Hm,” I thought. “Should really have finished that one before I started this one.”

Of course it didn’t pose too much of a problem — I coped just fine eating half of sandwich one, all of sandwich two and finally the second half of sandwich one. It’s nice to mix things up a little now and then.

But I couldn’t help seeing it as a metaphor for Swindon Council’s shiny new £22m plan for a museum and art gallery for the town. Bit of a leap? Bear with me.

One of the most famous things about Swindon, locally at least, isn’t our railway history or Diana Dors — it’s our inability to look after our buildings properly. You know, them there historic ones. Especially if they’re really beautiful.

So. We have a charming little museum and art gallery in Bath Road, but admittedly it is nowhere near big enough to display the millions of pounds worth of art this town holds in its vaults, much of which hasn’t seen the light of day since it was purchased.

We also have the Locarno, although plans are (fingers crossed) finally in place for that and at last we can dare to hope we will see it restored to its full glory in our lifetimes.

Then of course, there’s the most famous of them all — the tragic Mechanics’ Institute. A behemoth of a building, rich with history, it stands proud in the Railway Village, shuttered up, neglected and wasting away.

For years the saga has rumbled on — selling it for a quid, buying it back, failing to come to any useful conclusions as to its future...

So, forgive me if I’m missing something here, but if we can scrape together £22m for a new butterfly shaped building to sit on the site of the old Wyvern car park, can’t we scrape together the funds to reinvigorate the Mechanics’ and turn that into a centre for culture, art, history and science instead?

A bit like not being allowed your pudding until you’ve eaten all your veg, I can’t help thinking Swindon shouldn’t be allowed any shiny new buildings until we’ve looked after the ones we’ve got and found a use for them.

It’s like starting your second sandwich before you’ve finished your first — it’s just not the logical way to do things.

Plus the Mechanics’ has a classic beauty and grandeur that will never date. This spiky bewinged model of what our town centre deserves will go out of fashion and end up just another monstrosity darkening our already beleagured skyline.

On a similar note, my 89-year-old mum has been told by British Gas that she ought to replace her boiler at a cost of about three and a half grand. She can pay it off in instalments, they told her, which means she’ll be debt free by the time she’s 99. Great plan. The reason for the suggested replacement? The current boiler is old and some of the parts are no longer available. It works fine though and hasn’t caused any problems or been found to be dangerous. It’s just another example of this throwaway culture we live in.

So please, Swindon Council — don’t ignore the buildings we have because we’ve spotted something a bit shinier and trendier. We’re not a bunch of magpies. Unless you’re telling us we can’t mend the Mechanics’ because the parts are no longer available...

There’s no way I’m going out in that...

COME on then, dog walkers of Swindon, let us in on your secret.

For in all that rain and wind and general climatic misery on Saturday, I was the only poor fool wandering around the Lawns forlornly, ball chucker in hand, rain creeping down the back of my neck.

Where was busy little Basil and Alan, the very bouncy boxer? Where was that dog who’s always digging, and the one who looks like a man dressed in a cuddly toy suit?

Clearly you all know something I don’t as my houndly companion insisted the weather was perfectly good enough for a walk and he couldn’t give a fig for my soggy feet. And standing stock still and refusing to budge as the heavens open is absolutely fine if you’ve spotted a squirrel. You should probably remain there not moving a muscle for several minutes until you’re thoroughly drenched and the squirrel has disappeared up a tree.

So if, as I suspect, other dog walkers have trained their pooches to tune into the weather forecast and cling to the inside of the door jamb with all four paws if you so much as hint at going out, please get in touch. I want those training tips.

Top up that festive spirit

A BIG cheer goes to carpenter Shay Abdul, of Wichelstowe, who has come up with a novel way to celebrate the birth of the world’s most famous carpenter.

Shay has been spreading some Christmas cheer by giving hand-crafted wooden trees to those who can’t afford to buy a regular Christmas tree.

Now that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? If anyone else knows of someone who is showing the true Christmas spirit, make sure you let us know. We’d love to spread a bit of festive cheer!