Barrie Hudson talks about plastic recycling

They pledged to produce only a jam jar or small tub of rubbish during the course of a month, which is no mean feat when you consider how much unnecessary packaging comes with the stuff we buy.

The more schemes like this are launched, the better it will be for the environment and the other living creatures who share that environment with us.

After all, it’s hard work at the best of times being a vole, a rabbit, a frog, a slug or whatever.

The accommodation is basic, the diet lacking in variety, the working hours unsociable. You’re out in all weathers, there’s no pension scheme and your best hope for old age is that whichever predator gets you makes a quick job of it.

Under those circumstances, the last thing you need is extra complications in the form of getting your head or some other part of yourself stuck in a sandwich carton or crisp packet that’s blown in off a landfill.

I can’t help but notice, though, that not everybody who urges us to minimise our reliance on useless packaging belongs to fine environmental groups such as Wiltshire Wildlife Trust.

Some are executives of large supermarket chains and senior politicians, who piously tell us off for our supposed addiction to non-biodegradable and completely unnecessary containers and wrappings.

Their comments have set me wondering whether I and just about everybody I know suffer from some weird collective amnesia.

You see, none of us can remember demanding such packaging in the first place.

None of us can remember, for example, writing to a big dairy company and saying: “I really, really hate glass milk bottles. They’re all completely recyclable and nobody wants them.

“No, what we all want is some cheap and nasty plastic containers, millions of which will end up floating in canals and lakes, strewn on pavements when the urban foxes get to the rubbish bags before the refuse wagon does, or else lying inert in a landfill for the next thousand years or so.

“And while you’re at it, please put more effort into ripping off small farmers and driving them into poverty and mental torment.”

Nor can any of us remember phoning a supermarket helpline decades ago and demanding: “Stop using paper carrier bags immediately! “They’re more or less completely harmless, they can be readily recycled and even if they end up in landfill they’ll rot down in a matter of days.

“That simply isn’t good enough. I demand that you cease all paper bag use right now and use plastic ones instead. They’re great.

“I especially like the way their production depletes irreplaceable natural resources, dumped ones can choke or suffocate anything from an owl to a badger, and they’ll ensure your brand name is visible to archaeologists long after we’ve colonised the moons of Jupiter.

“In fact, don’t stop at just making us use plastic bags. No, I want to see every item in the shop, be it a morsel of cheese, a slice of cauliflower or a miser’s portion of sprouts, encased in at least its own weight in plastic.”

I could have sworn we didn’t make any such demands, that the packaging responsible for our ongoing ecological nightmare was introduced by businesses themselves so as to save money by making goods easier to package and transport, and that successive governments cheerfully declined to intervene in the horror story.

I’m sure I’m wrong, though.

I’m sure it really is all our fault, just as the important folk say.

Firefighters know what to do in this situation

FIREFIGHTERS in Cricklade have once again had to deal with selfish, anti-social wretches who think it’s okay to park outside the fire station.

It seems the guilty parties can’t be bothered walking a little extra distance to the nearby school - which, to be fair, is doing all it can to raise awareness.

I think the firefighters should stop confronting the rogue parkers. There’s an old saying about it being pointless to wrestle with a pig because all that happens is you end up covered in filth and the pig enjoys it.

Instead, the firefighters should incorporate, whenever necessary, the cars into the fitness programme which makes them the strongest of the emergency services.

In emergencies they should simply approach the cars en masse, lift them to shoulder height, carry them somewhere else and dump them upside-down.

This would have two benefits. First, it would ensure they remain capable of shifting heavy equipment, carrying people out of buildings and being aesthetically pleasing for the folk - I’m led to believe it’s about half of the population - who can’t resist watching firefighters whenever and wherever they appear.

Second, it would be educational for the children of the miscreants.

“Why,” those children would ask their parents, “is our car lying on its roof by the side of the road with all the windows smashed and a load of dents?”

“Well,” the parent would be obliged to reply, “that’s because I’m a selfish clod with all the intelligence and finer feelings of a bluebottle.

“You know those people your teachers are always telling you to avoid ever turning into? Well, I’m one of those.

“I can’t even find a no-win-no-fee lawyer willing to take my case.”