The World's Gone to Pot (From Swindon Advertiser)

The World's Gone to Pot

7:06pm Monday 4th October 2010

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It appears I haven’t written a blog on here for 23 days.

To my surprise, not one person has been clawing at my door, begging me to reveal my much-loved and sought after thoughts because if I don’t, the sun will explode. Maybe one day.

But seriously, during the absence of my online self-indulgence, some pretty big events have taken place. Events that reluctantly spark the phrase, "the world's gone to pot" in my brain.

Seven elephants were killed in India by a speeding goods train as they tried their best to rescue two young ones caught on the track late last month.

An ill Geordie lady infuriated the nation by allowing an "untalented singer" to pass through to the televised stage of a vacuous, demoralising and culturally-sapping talent show.

A man in a big pointy hat came over for an all expenses paid holiday, and told us not to wear condoms.

While, statistics suggest 99,000 people died an AIDS related death since the day he stepped off the plane.

Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams seemed to forget how old - and married - they were and continued to promote their homoerotic single 'Shame', that may as well have been titled: 'No-one Really Cares We're Mates Again, But Hey, Let's Make Some Cash.'

The Football world proceeded to chastise Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, as a "moaner" for speaking out against tough tackling, while three Premiership players broke their legs only seven games in to the season.

And the Prime Minister continued his mission to change Britain as (his campaign slogan said) “we can’t go on like this” despite being the ONLY major political party leader left to stand by the notion that gay men should not be allowed get married.

But do you know what revelation astounded me the most? What discovery shocked, sickened and saddened me the most?

It happened five days ago.

There I was, being shown round the halls of a University in London. The human I went to see who lived in the building block excitedly showed me round her new home, smiling broadly when complimenting her new housemates and the places she's discovered and was yet to discover in the capital city.

We walked through to the kitchen. A standard, sticky, University kitchen. Three fridges? Nice.

"This one's mine," the young fresher said. The door swung open, and there it was...

A Heinz Baked Beans Fridge Pack.

Five tins of beans in one single plastic pot! For the fridge!

Heinz Baked Beans now sell five tins of beans in one convenient sized pot for the fridge!

I couldn't believe it. One and a half years after I finished Uni? You must be joking!

She didn't even seem to care. "Mum got me it," she shrugged.

They say youth is wasted on the young, and I couldn't agree more. Five tins of beans in one single plastic pot! Imagine the lack of wastage! Imagine the feasts! Imagine the smells! I didn't say much at the time, but my mind was racing. I would've been in my element with an edible arsenal of that calibre in my Uni fridge.

I don’t know what stores sell them, but I’m going hunting for one. The world's gone to pot? Too right it has. And I love what’s in it.