A Lemon Needs Some Friends (From Swindon Advertiser)

A Lemon Needs Some Friends

7:28pm Monday 6th June 2011

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Personification is a funny old thing.

Us humans seems to be obsessed with giving everything a personality and quite often treat the non-human as walking, talking men and women.

I’m pretty sure that you lot reading this have at one time called a cat ‘cheeky’, a dog ‘dumb’ or told a coffee table to ‘jog on’.

I admit that sometimes if I see two overgrown trees with their branches intertwined, my heart often swells thinking that they are holding hands.

There’s even a bench I cycle past in the mornings with two knots in its greying wood that sit side by side staring at me like the eyes of an angry, judgemental old lady.

However, it wasn’t until the weekend that I realised something.

I never personify fruit.

When you really think about it it’s quite sad how often fruit grows in big batches, travel all over the world together and then savagely and randomly get taken away from their mates.

Who are we to think that fruit don’t need their friends?

I happened to come across a sad little lemon on Sunday morning, desperate for some friends. It was six foot four inches, hungover and called Carl.

Apparently he got incredibly drunk on Saturday afternoon/evening/night and purchased a ticket for Blissfields Festival in Winchester on 1st July.

It wasn’t until the next day that he realised he did this and it turned out that none of his lemony friends had purchased one.

So Carl, the lemon, is now going to a festival for three days on his own.

That is, of course, unless you have a spare £70.00 and care to join him…

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