Random parenting questions (From Swindon Advertiser)
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Random parenting questions
9:34pm Monday 6th October 2008
By Mum's The Word »
Statement A
It is right for a parent to believe that as long as they teach their child right from wrong properly, then of course that child will grow up to become a good decent person?
Statement B
Is it actually wrong to believe the above and is it actually correct to believe that all you can do is try your best to teach your child right from wrong, put everything you have into it, but
acknowledge the fact that still they may not choose the right path….. They hold the future in their own hands
Is one of the reasons that you are a statement a type parent purely because you believe that statement b has a get out clause that you may be accused of using to your advantage if actually you can’t be bothered to put 100% into parenting?
Or is it statement A for you because it is your duty as a parent to believe 100% in your child?
I am a statement b parent. I know and also those who matter know how hard I try to be a good parent and that is enough for me. How about you? Or do you have differing views completely to the first two statements?
Statement C
Do you trust your child 100% until they prove you otherwise?
Statement D
Is it unwise in certain circumstances and against your duty of care as a parent to trust your child 100%?
Last week I was a statement C parent, this week, due to experience, I am a now a statement D parent
Just like my children I am learning all of the time. In fact sometimes I feel like I know hardly anything yet! Oh dear ignorance and arrogance are both not good parenting attributes. Any thoughts
appreciated!
One confused Mum!
Comments (9)
7:20pm Tue 7 Oct 08
john c says...
I think we should aim for statement ‘A’ but accept that we are not the only influence in our children’s lives so it may not happen. As for trust I fell that like respect it has to be earned.
It may not be much help but I have found a case by case attitude works better, after all there are no one size fits all rules for parenting.
I think we should aim for statement ‘A’ but accept that we are not the only influence in our children’s lives so it may not happen. As for trust I fell that like respect it has to be earned.
It may not be much help but I have found a case by case attitude works better, after all there are no one size fits all rules for parenting.
john c
It may not be much help but I have found a case by case attitude works better, after all there are no one size fits all rules for parenting.
10:00am Wed 8 Oct 08
Mum's The Word says...
Thanks John, maybe that's my problem! I spend far too much of my time worrying and trying to ensure that in the future they will fit into society. Then again.... is that such a bad thing, as in some ways they need to fit for their own future survival? :S I dunno so confusing this parenting business!
Thanks John, maybe that's my problem! I spend far too much of my time worrying and trying to ensure that in the future they will fit into society. Then again.... is that such a bad thing, as in some ways they need to fit for their own future survival? :S I dunno so confusing this parenting business!
Mum's The Word
9:21pm Thu 9 Oct 08
Synergie says...
MTW
That's the biggest load of Gobbledygook I've ever read.
It made my head hurt just reading it!
MTW
That's the biggest load of Gobbledygook I've ever read.
It made my head hurt just reading it!
Synergie
That's the biggest load of Gobbledygook I've ever read.
It made my head hurt just reading it!
10:11am Fri 10 Oct 08
Mum's The Word says...
Oh dear Synergie! Apologies for the hurting head :( I was just practicing my gobbledygook in case I ever become a politician! Perhaps I should stick to writing after wine :)
Meltdown to follow...
Oh dear Synergie! Apologies for the hurting head :( I was just practicing my gobbledygook in case I ever become a politician! Perhaps I should stick to writing after wine :)
Meltdown to follow...
Mum's The Word
Meltdown to follow...
11:07pm Fri 10 Oct 08
Synergie says...
MTW,
If you had presented your blog entry to my parents when I was in my formative years, my Mother would have rushed to the kitchen with a worried look on her face to make a pot of tea, and my Father would have retreated to the shed.
Did I grow up knowing right from wrong?, I would like to think so!.
But you see, my upbringing wasn't entirely in the hands of my parents. My teachers at school, who were feared, respected and admired in equal proportions, also played a huge part in my journey to adulthood.
If you think about it, allowing that your children probably spend at least eight hours of their home time asleep, even taking into account school holidays, your children spend more time with their teachers than you do.
I would like to think that my parents provided the home comforts, food, love, sympathy and a clean warm bed in which to sleep. But I have no doubt it was my teachers that provided the real foundations for my adult years.
Now then, who was it that said "Give me the child and I will give you the man"?
Food for thought, and of course, all good food should be complimented with equally good wine.
'gie
MTW,
If you had presented your blog entry to my parents when I was in my formative years, my Mother would have rushed to the kitchen with a worried look on her face to make a pot of tea, and my Father would have retreated to the shed.
Did I grow up knowing right from wrong?, I would like to think so!.
But you see, my upbringing wasn't entirely in the hands of my parents. My teachers at school, who were feared, respected and admired in equal proportions, also played a huge part in my journey to adulthood.
If you think about it, allowing that your children probably spend at least eight hours of their home time asleep, even taking into account school holidays, your children spend more time with their teachers than you do.
I would like to think that my parents provided the home comforts, food, love, sympathy and a clean warm bed in which to sleep. But I have no doubt it was my teachers that provided the real foundations for my adult years.
Now then, who was it that said "Give me the child and I will give you the man"?
Food for thought, and of course, all good food should be complimented with equally good wine.
'gie
Synergie
If you had presented your blog entry to my parents when I was in my formative years, my Mother would have rushed to the kitchen with a worried look on her face to make a pot of tea, and my Father would have retreated to the shed.
Did I grow up knowing right from wrong?, I would like to think so!.
But you see, my upbringing wasn't entirely in the hands of my parents. My teachers at school, who were feared, respected and admired in equal proportions, also played a huge part in my journey to adulthood.
If you think about it, allowing that your children probably spend at least eight hours of their home time asleep, even taking into account school holidays, your children spend more time with their teachers than you do.
I would like to think that my parents provided the home comforts, food, love, sympathy and a clean warm bed in which to sleep. But I have no doubt it was my teachers that provided the real foundations for my adult years.
Now then, who was it that said "Give me the child and I will give you the man"?
Food for thought, and of course, all good food should be complimented with equally good wine.
'gie
7:21pm Sat 11 Oct 08
Mum's The Word says...
gie many thanks for your thoughts, definitely food for thought :)
It's such a shame that so many children nowadays do not fear admire and respect their teachers as they used to. What do you think would be the solution to this?
gie many thanks for your thoughts, definitely food for thought :)
It's such a shame that so many children nowadays do not fear admire and respect their teachers as they used to. What do you think would be the solution to this?
Mum's The Word
It's such a shame that so many children nowadays do not fear admire and respect their teachers as they used to. What do you think would be the solution to this?
9:30pm Sun 12 Oct 08
still an oldcrone says...
Hi MTW
I was always a statement A parent, I had no doubt that if i taught my children right and wrong they would never get in trouble etc etc, after all my parents taught me to be a decent and law abiding person..easy. Oh dear how wrong could I be!
my son was 15 when i first had knock on the door from the police,
he was caught in the local park with a can of cider in his hand, well this kind of thing and other types of yobbish behaviour carried on until at the age of 18, he was tagged for six months, narrowly missing a jail term, his face on the front of the adver etc etc.
All of these things were connected to alcohol, he knew how distraught and disappointed we were and when sober was always very remorseful, I guess it was that which made me stand by him, i didnt threaten to throw him out of the family home and I was limited on physically keeping him in the house but I kept tabs on him as much as i could.
although sadly some family members and friends had written him off as a bad "un.
So I guess Statement B had come into play big time!
The time when he was tagged was the last time he was in trouble. hE BEAcam more responsible started working hard and the nice, funny happy son i had before his troubles came back to us.
A couple of years ago we as a family had some huge challenges, and through it all and to this day my son, has had to be the man of the house and he has been a rock, he is now at the age of 22 a fine young man, and I am very proud of him. so does that mean statement A is back as the truth?
All i know is that dont ever give up on believing in your children, have faith that what you have taught them will ultimately shine through, and whatever happens love them unconditionly as only a parent can.
Oh gosh talk about waffling on! I didnt intend to write an essay:))
A friend sent me this poem a couple of years back too which helped:
http://www.katsanddo
gz.com/onchildren.ht
ml
Hi MTW
I was always a statement A parent, I had no doubt that if i taught my children right and wrong they would never get in trouble etc etc, after all my parents taught me to be a decent and law abiding person..easy. Oh dear how wrong could I be!
my son was 15 when i first had knock on the door from the police,
he was caught in the local park with a can of cider in his hand, well this kind of thing and other types of yobbish behaviour carried on until at the age of 18, he was tagged for six months, narrowly missing a jail term, his face on the front of the adver etc etc.
All of these things were connected to alcohol, he knew how distraught and disappointed we were and when sober was always very remorseful, I guess it was that which made me stand by him, i didnt threaten to throw him out of the family home and I was limited on physically keeping him in the house but I kept tabs on him as much as i could.
although sadly some family members and friends had written him off as a bad "un.
So I guess Statement B had come into play big time!
The time when he was tagged was the last time he was in trouble. hE BEAcam more responsible started working hard and the nice, funny happy son i had before his troubles came back to us.
A couple of years ago we as a family had some huge challenges, and through it all and to this day my son, has had to be the man of the house and he has been a rock, he is now at the age of 22 a fine young man, and I am very proud of him. so does that mean statement A is back as the truth?
All i know is that dont ever give up on believing in your children, have faith that what you have taught them will ultimately shine through, and whatever happens love them unconditionly as only a parent can.
Oh gosh talk about waffling on! I didnt intend to write an essay:))
A friend sent me this poem a couple of years back too which helped:
http://www.katsanddo
gz.com/onchildren.ht
ml
still an oldcrone
I was always a statement A parent, I had no doubt that if i taught my children right and wrong they would never get in trouble etc etc, after all my parents taught me to be a decent and law abiding person..easy. Oh dear how wrong could I be!
my son was 15 when i first had knock on the door from the police,
he was caught in the local park with a can of cider in his hand, well this kind of thing and other types of yobbish behaviour carried on until at the age of 18, he was tagged for six months, narrowly missing a jail term, his face on the front of the adver etc etc.
All of these things were connected to alcohol, he knew how distraught and disappointed we were and when sober was always very remorseful, I guess it was that which made me stand by him, i didnt threaten to throw him out of the family home and I was limited on physically keeping him in the house but I kept tabs on him as much as i could.
although sadly some family members and friends had written him off as a bad "un.
So I guess Statement B had come into play big time!
The time when he was tagged was the last time he was in trouble. hE BEAcam more responsible started working hard and the nice, funny happy son i had before his troubles came back to us.
A couple of years ago we as a family had some huge challenges, and through it all and to this day my son, has had to be the man of the house and he has been a rock, he is now at the age of 22 a fine young man, and I am very proud of him. so does that mean statement A is back as the truth?
All i know is that dont ever give up on believing in your children, have faith that what you have taught them will ultimately shine through, and whatever happens love them unconditionly as only a parent can.
Oh gosh talk about waffling on! I didnt intend to write an essay:))
A friend sent me this poem a couple of years back too which helped:
http://www.katsanddo
gz.com/onchildren.ht
ml
9:55pm Mon 13 Oct 08
Mum's The Word says...
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your story. It sounds like you have been through so much. I am going to keep your post and when times are tough with my brood, I am going to read it through. Your son is so lucky to have a Mother who stood by him through it all and I am so glad that in the end he shone through. If I can be anything like the Mother that you have been, then I will have succeeded. I hope you will post again :) xxx
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your story. It sounds like you have been through so much. I am going to keep your post and when times are tough with my brood, I am going to read it through. Your son is so lucky to have a Mother who stood by him through it all and I am so glad that in the end he shone through. If I can be anything like the Mother that you have been, then I will have succeeded. I hope you will post again :) xxx
Mum's The Word
8:44pm Wed 15 Oct 08
Grad says...
MTW, I believe that it is important to teach your children right from wrong but I don't believe that doing so will necessarily mean that your child will grow into a decent person. As a future teacher (Studying PGCE) we look into behaviour modification strategies and such like quite a lot.
firstly I think your question relies heavily on whether you believe someone can be born bad or whether it is learned. Some research has been done into criminals and tendencies to have damaged frontal lobes in their cerebral cortexes (same differences in their brain compared to others)... I think I fall into the 'bit of both' catagory- some people can be born with a greater potential to be bad but what is learned is very important.
I think that it is vital as a parent you do your best, as with anyone working with children. I think you need to think carefully about HOW you encourage your children to behave and learn right from wrong. You need to help them understand WHY the right is right and the wrong is wrong- not just train them.
e.g. You should help grandma with the shopping because grandma is older than you and finds it more difficult to carry it. It would be nice to help her so she isn't as tired.
NOT Help grandma with the shopping and I'll buy you some sweets.
Admittedly in the latter you may find it easier to make the child comply and be fooled into thinking they are good and decent but in reality they are serving their own selfish desires. In the former you are encouraging them to think and place a meaning and value on why they are being good and decent. This approach will help you identify the one's that are not pre-disposed to behaving in a good and decent fashion and allow you time to think of how you might encourage them to do so. (Without bribary!)
A bit theoretical and wordy as I'm tired and heavily immersed in the subject are but I hope I made some sense somewhere.
PS been reading your blog for ages but finally managed to register with the Adver post 'site change'.
MTW, I believe that it is important to teach your children right from wrong but I don't believe that doing so will necessarily mean that your child will grow into a decent person. As a future teacher (Studying PGCE) we look into behaviour modification strategies and such like quite a lot.
firstly I think your question relies heavily on whether you believe someone can be born bad or whether it is learned. Some research has been done into criminals and tendencies to have damaged frontal lobes in their cerebral cortexes (same differences in their brain compared to others)... I think I fall into the 'bit of both' catagory- some people can be born with a greater potential to be bad but what is learned is very important.
I think that it is vital as a parent you do your best, as with anyone working with children. I think you need to think carefully about HOW you encourage your children to behave and learn right from wrong. You need to help them understand WHY the right is right and the wrong is wrong- not just train them.
e.g. You should help grandma with the shopping because grandma is older than you and finds it more difficult to carry it. It would be nice to help her so she isn't as tired.
NOT Help grandma with the shopping and I'll buy you some sweets.
Admittedly in the latter you may find it easier to make the child comply and be fooled into thinking they are good and decent but in reality they are serving their own selfish desires. In the former you are encouraging them to think and place a meaning and value on why they are being good and decent. This approach will help you identify the one's that are not pre-disposed to behaving in a good and decent fashion and allow you time to think of how you might encourage them to do so. (Without bribary!)
A bit theoretical and wordy as I'm tired and heavily immersed in the subject are but I hope I made some sense somewhere.
PS been reading your blog for ages but finally managed to register with the Adver post 'site change'.
Grad
firstly I think your question relies heavily on whether you believe someone can be born bad or whether it is learned. Some research has been done into criminals and tendencies to have damaged frontal lobes in their cerebral cortexes (same differences in their brain compared to others)... I think I fall into the 'bit of both' catagory- some people can be born with a greater potential to be bad but what is learned is very important.
I think that it is vital as a parent you do your best, as with anyone working with children. I think you need to think carefully about HOW you encourage your children to behave and learn right from wrong. You need to help them understand WHY the right is right and the wrong is wrong- not just train them.
e.g. You should help grandma with the shopping because grandma is older than you and finds it more difficult to carry it. It would be nice to help her so she isn't as tired.
NOT Help grandma with the shopping and I'll buy you some sweets.
Admittedly in the latter you may find it easier to make the child comply and be fooled into thinking they are good and decent but in reality they are serving their own selfish desires. In the former you are encouraging them to think and place a meaning and value on why they are being good and decent. This approach will help you identify the one's that are not pre-disposed to behaving in a good and decent fashion and allow you time to think of how you might encourage them to do so. (Without bribary!)
A bit theoretical and wordy as I'm tired and heavily immersed in the subject are but I hope I made some sense somewhere.
PS been reading your blog for ages but finally managed to register with the Adver post 'site change'.
Parenting - both confusing and bewildering
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