I want to take a look over the border to see what life could be like for us soon.

By the border I don’t mean we should look to Berkshire, who in their right mind would do that? Head the other way along the M4 and we can learn lessons from Wales.

The Welsh nation is currently trying a circuit breaker lockdown, which for some reason they’re calling a fire break.

I don’t know if they held a focus group and ascertained that fire break sounds sexier than the thing that bothers you when you’re trying to mow the lawn, but it doesn’t matter, it’s the same thing.

It would make more sense if Wales was an island because if this fire break works, as soon as it’s lifted, we English can have day trips to Wales again and cough all over the place.

One interesting detail is that shops in Wales have cordoned off the non-essential aisles in the supermarkets.

You could only buy food and drink, but if you wanted to buy some plates to eat that food off, you were out of luck.

Also prohibited were the sales of clothing from supermarkets. I am not sure how living without new undies for the 17-day period would help but I’m not an expert in public health.

How can they call clothing non-essential, and yet when I try to go out while not wearing any I get asked to leave that bus.

If you have left the house to go into a shop you have created a certain level of risk.

What difference does it make what you buy when you’re in the shop? In fact handling pots and pans is less risky than checking to see if an avocado is ripe.

We can easily was cookware before we use it but you can’t run fruit and veg through the dishwasher. It doesn’t come out well, trust me.

I genuinely feel sorry for the people of Wales during this extra lockdown. It feels like they are being used as guinea pigs.

They’d better not try that here. We all know the love I have for the massive Asda in the Orbital Shopping Park.

If they try to stop me checking out the seasonal aisle I think I’d lose it.

If they stopped me looking at the TVs I’ll never be able to afford or the cheap smartphones I always think about buying if my track and trace app dobs me in, I’d be outraged.

I’d do what all people who write to newspapers do and I would craft a strongly worded letter.

The only problem is they’d have the stationery aisle lockdown down.

Outwitted again.