Terrible news: I will shortly be eligible for a Senior Person’s Railcard (or a ‘Senior Railcard’, to give it its new name). It is only two months away, when I reach my 60th birthday.

Sure, it will mean I can get a third off most train fares, but as they are normally at least double what I would consider reasonable, it’s not much help.

And neither are the savings much compensation for officially being classed as ‘senior’.

According to an episode of QI I saw recently, having an age with a nine at the end is liable to do strange things to you, and I must admit the psychological effect of this particular landmark has been much bigger than any other. Hearing about the railcard raised my hopes of other financial benefits, however, but they were soon dashed.

It turns out the free bus pass that would have come in handy won’t be mine until I reach official retirement age - although I would qualify now if I lived in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland (lucky them).

I do qualify for concessions at cinemas, but that isn’t much to celebrate if, like me, you have only been out to watch a couple of movies in the last 10 years. Likewise, in July I also get free prescriptions, which is currently one every six months, on average.

The good news is being 60 means cheap theatre seats, except I’m not sure whether this applies at our favourite, the Watermill at Newbury. Its website says there are concessions for ‘senior citizens’, without defining what that actually means.

This disparity over whether 60, 65 or some other magic number makes you a ‘senior’ also applies to sport. Swindon Wildcats give concessions to 60-year-olds, but Swindon Town and Swindon Robins make you wait another five years.

At least the Government is clear. I may be ‘senior’ in other organisations’ eyes, but not theirs. I won’t qualify for the state pension until my 67th birthday.

They have a special website you can visit to work out how much longer they are going to hang on to the money they owe you.

I was also disappointed to find my long-awaited qualification for the B&Q Diamond Card, the key to discounts on Wednesdays, is off.

While Googling to find out what little gifts my 60th birthday might bring, I realised they stopped issuing new cards back in 2018. And the disappointments keep on coming.

Hungry Horse have a special cheap menu that only over-60s can order from.

It sounds mouth-watering - until you find out that “portions are designed to be smaller than the equivalent main menu dish”.

Which is surely just a recipe for going home from the Hungry Horse feeling hungry.

And the final insult came when I was told I am about to become a ‘sexagenarian’.

Sadly, it’s only the posh name for people in their sixties, and not nearly as saucy as it sounds.