What does one give as a birthday present to a man who has been spoiled and coddled in ermine all his life, and never, like the rest of his family, queued up for anything?

Apparently, mummy has decided to reward her son, Prince Andrew, with a promotion: the rank of vice-admiral. Beats Tupperware I suppose. An odd present, as he ended his active naval career 14 years ago!

However, thanks to those top Navy bods with one eye on a knighthood of course, they brought in a policy in 2009 that permits Prince Andrew regular, age-related promotions up the ranks, on a par with colleagues who are still in service. No such scheme exists for the lower class ranks.

One wonders how this goes down with all those hard-working, ambitious officers still slogging away at sea and grafting in the salty barracks, and occasionally sailing into hostile waters. We’ll never know of course – classified information!

Apparently the RN now has twice as many high-earning admirals as it does warships. Last year the MOD shed 5000 sailors and marines in defence cuts.

Never mind, mummy knows best, she has just put one back onto the top salary payroll, courtesy of the taxpayer.

Steve Nibbs Milton Road Swindon