Teenager Lizzie Skeates thinks nothing of cooking, cleaning and looking after her disabled dad. She tells MARION SAUVEBOIS how caring comes as second nature AS far back as she can remember

Lizzie Skeates has been lending a hand around the house, cooking, cleaning and even helping her father get out of bed in the morning.

Never did it cross her mind that her responsibilities were far beyond her years as she went about a daily routine most teenagers would find taxing.

It is not until she turned 14 that the reality of her situation dawned on her: she had been acting as a young carer her entire life.

With her father Phillip almost permanently wheelchair-bound, lifting some of the pressure off her mother Lisa’s shoulders became her priority.

Giving the floor a wipe, doing the laundry or helping to prepare meals was never felt as a chore or burden by Lizzie, a kind and devoted child, who always volunteered to assist whenever she could.

“I grew up with dad being ill and I didn’t know any different,” said the health and social care student at New College.

“And as I’ve grown older I’ve got involved more and more. I think I became fully aware of what was wrong with dad from the age of 10 or 11. I saw how much pressure mum was under so I helped with the cooking and cleaning. It made me want to do more.

“I was never under any pressure to do it.

“Nothing was going to change for him, I knew that. So I got on with it. A normal day for me would be getting up and if dad needed something I would do it for him. I would do little things like help him get out of bed, help him to the bathroom and put his socks and his shoes on. I would go to school, come home and help mum and dad.”

But as she reached secondary school, juggling her responsibilities at home, GCSE revision and managing her own health problems became a tricky task. And she soon found herself out of her depth.

“It was hard juggling everything sometimes. It got more difficult because my health is not great. I have really bad asthma and my left lung doesn’t function as well as my right and I have IBS.

“When I did my GCSEs was probably the worst time. There was the stress of exams and dad was going through stages where he wasn’t well. That made everything a lot worse. I felt overwhelmed.

“I missed a couple of my exams because I was poorly. There were days I wanted to give up. It was a lot to deal with.”

Phillip, 46, suffered spinal nerve damage in a lifting accident at work. He was also diagnosed with kidney and heart problems.

Teachers at Nova Hreod noticed a change in the bubbly teenager’s personality and a counsellor uncovered the root of the problem: Lizzie was a young carer grappling to reconcile school, her caring duties and the ups-and-downs of adolescence.

“Nova Hreod were very supportive. I used to see a counsellor there because of a death in the family. The counsellor saw that there was something else bothering me and I told her everything. The school arranged for someone at the Carers Centre to come out and see me and dad. I didn’t realise I was a young carer until they told me at school.

“Julie [Collar] at the Carers Centre took me on and I started doing trips with other young carers and going to groups every week.”

Julie has been a part of Lizzie’s life every since, lending a friendly ear whenever necessary and giving her support and advice.

Like the majority of people in her position, Lizzie merely did what she felt was right.

And the guilt of taking time for herself or leaving her parents behind, even for a few hours, was hard to bear at times.

Yet, she gradually learned to go easy on herself and enjoy her youth like any other teenager her age.

“You feel a bit guilty taking time for yourself. You think ‘I’m having a good time with my friends and dad is in pain at home’. But I’m not as bad any more. I have one-on-ones with Julie and I can offload on her if I need to.

“You just take every day as it comes. I take it easier on myself.”

Discovering his daughter had acted as a carer most of her childhood and teenage years came as a painful shock to her father, who received help from the Carers Centre to cope with his gnawing guilt.

“I didn’t realise she was a young carer until she was assessed,” said the father-of-three. “We never had a clue. I felt very bad because Lizzie was helping me and she had no support there at all.

“I felt guilty. But I don’t any more because of the Carers Centre. They helped us as a family. It has relieved pressure speaking to a neutral person.”

The Carers Centre also allowed the Skeates to re-calibrate the family dynamic. This has meant funding day trips and mini-breaks for Lizzie, her siblings and parents to spend quality time together.

“I don’t feel like I missed out because we did things as a family and there were opportunities for me to go out because my mum was with my dad,” explained Lizzie, who is hoping to train as care worker.

“But I find everything less hard now because I’ve got the support in place.”

However, ignorance and incomprehension still prevails in the wider community.

“I think there needs to be more awareness of young carers. A lot of teachers jump to conclusions and when you haven’t done your work, they think you’re just being lazy.

“It would be good for schools to have assemblies or presentations for young carers to realise what they are and for people to understand.”

 To find out more about Swindon Carers Centre call 01793 531133, go to www.swindoncarers.org.uk or email carers@ swindon carers.org.uk.