I'm just not that chatty

I’VE always found it difficult to talk to people, ever since I was little, and I really envy people who can chat away.

Whenever I go out with friends and colleagues, which I do quite a lot, I never know what to say and end up sitting there like a lemon. I’m sure people must think I’m really dull, but I don’t know what to do to change myself as I just don’t have the confidence to chat easily. - DB

Fiona says: I suspect that far from thinking you dull, the friends and colleagues who so frequently want your company probably think you’re an amazing listener.

If they really thought of you as dull, why would they want you with them? By your own admission, you are out a lot, so they must like to have you around.

I appreciate you feel awkward and would like to be chattier, but never underestimate the value of being the person others turn to when they want to talk.

The book, How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends by Don Gabor is a classic self-help guide for people who want to chat more easily.

Should I say something

I’VE always “turned the other cheek” when anyone’s been aggressive, and so far I’ve been able to avoid conflicts.

There is a new woman at work though, who, in the six weeks she’s been there, has upset everyone.

She tries to tell everyone what to do even though she’s on the same grade as the rest of us.

Our manager seems to be a family friend, so he does nothing to stop her steamrollering the rest of us.

She’s so aggressive and unpleasant and, after 15 years with this company, I think I deserve a little more respect. -GH

Fiona says: If this woman is upsetting everybody, she needs to be told that her behaviour is unacceptable.

Everyone has the right to courtesy and consideration from work colleagues, and the fact all your colleagues feel the same way about this new person lends weight to any complaint you make.

Have you and your colleagues told her how you feel? Have you spoken to your manager? However much a family friend she may be, if he’s a responsible manager, he should act.