How long will he wait?

My marriage ended badly three years ago when my ex-husband left to live with his secretary. Ever since, I’ve found it very hard to trust men and although I’ve had a few short-term relationships, I’ve always backed out when things look like they’re getting serious.

Now I’ve met someone I really care about and, although I’d like things to become more permanent with him, I still keep pushing him away.

I’ve explained and he seems to understand, but how long will he be prepared to wait while I dither?

I’m worried if I mess him about much more, he’ll get fed up and leave. - TH

Fiona says: The way your husband left you has seriously knocked your confidence, so it’s not surprising your ability to trust other people has taken a knock.

Try and rationalise this - your husband was just one man and this is a completely different person. Men are not all the same - nor are women - so unless you want to cut yourself off from relationships for life, sooner or later you are going to have to be prepared to take a chance. No one will wait forever.

Hubby is a hoarder

I have always known my husband tended to hoard things and his mother even warned me on our wedding day that he finds it hard to throw things away.

I thought she was exaggerating so I ignored it, but, five years on, our house is groaning under the weight of the junk that my husband insists on keeping.

Every room is full of box files, old computers, motoring magazines and cricketing memorabilia.

It feels like there’s no space left in the house for me, but when I asked him to consider throwing out some stuff, he looked shocked. - RR

Fiona says: People with a compulsion to hoard things do so for a variety of reasons, one of which is because it gives them a sense of security.

You might have to enlist help from other people - perhaps his mother - to persuade him to seek help, but it’s help he needs to make him understand this is a serious threat to your marriage.